Fiction

“The Beardist,” by Joshua Sampson

Dec 20th, 2018 | By

“Does it look okay?” I asked my girlfriend as I examined a large billboard advertisement across the street from our car that prominently displayed a new beard balm. She wasn’t paying attention really, as she flipped through Reddit and Facebook in an amorphous blur, like she was simultaneously fact-checking statements made by politicos on either media platform. She wasn’t. She was verifying whether the latest celebrity belly photo indicated a baby bump or too much ice cream. Meanwhile, I was looking at the advertisement and then back at my own face in the sun visor mirror. She knew I wasn’t asking about the beaming gentleman on the advertisement.



“Portculia,” by Daniel Deisinger

Dec 20th, 2018 | By

“We journeyed through the forest of the frenzied fists,” Armella said. She had her hands on her hips, frowning. “I got punched in the eye by a maple.”



“No One Cares That You Studied in 1952,” by Michael Augustine Dondero

Dec 20th, 2018 | By

Gabe’s been super annoying ever since he got back from studying in 1952. Just the worst.



“Fish Out of Water,” by James Dupree

Aug 20th, 2018 | By

There’s a fish on my desk and it’s weirding me out. It’s just sitting there. Where did this thing come from? How could it have possibly gotten on my desk? The damn thing isn’t even cooked! It’s not baked, or sautéed, or pan fried, or pan broiled, or grilled, or poached, or deep fried, or prepared in any way that would be beneficial to me. It’s just raw, and not in a creative or delicious way, like sushi. Raw!



“Resistentialism,” by Brooke Boveri

Aug 20th, 2018 | By

It started when Walt’s wife, Eve, left him. After she moved out, there was nobody around to push it back under the desk. Walt had never understood the importance of pushing it back under the desk. While Eve did so religiously, one of its first thoughts was that she had probably not understood the importance of that, either. All she wanted was a tidy room and to stop falling over it. Even though Walt rarely sat in it, he had an inexplicable tendency to leave it out of its place. Another one of its first thoughts was how much it would miss tripping Eve.