“Wholesale Hotdogs,” by J.D. Hager

Nov 18th, 2020 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

It was the biggest pack of hotdogs he’d ever seen. Unbelievable is what he thought at first. Denial of his sensory input. Following disbelief was disgust, followed again by denial. It couldn’t be, like a conundrum wrapped paradoxically in plastic.

He tried to calculate exactly how many hotdogs were inside the shrink wrapped mountain of meat by products. Five hundred seemed like a reasonable estimate. One thousand didn’t seem too outrageous, considering the sheer volume involved. How many animals and animal parts had it taken to create such a monument of obesity?

Finally he reached that last psychological plateau–acceptance. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. He told himself that he had seen everything.

Then he saw the package of hamburgers.


J.D. Hager is a science teacher and rabble rouser hailing from California. He enjoys laughing and sleeping and wearing masks in public.

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