“The New Looks for Fall,” by Molly Schoemann

Nov 9th, 2011 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

The new looks for fall have arrived!  This year, the economy being what it is, they’re actually the looks for summer, but with sweaters.  Sweaters are very in right now!  Try pairing one with the same office-casual shoes you’ve been wearing to work for the last three years, if you still have a job.  Speaking of shoes, the ‘re-soled look’ is also very hot this season.  There’s nothing like a glimpse of freshly-glued rubber peeping flirtatiously from the bottoms of your worn-out footwear to showcase your sense of style and practicality!

Warm earth tones are also very chic right now—but with a twist this season:  a lot of them started out as lighter colors.

This fall, be daring!  Knot a jaunty scarf around your neck on cooler evenings.  It’s a truly versatile accessory that can double as a handkerchief or even a suitcase, for the busy fashionista on the move thanks to a home foreclosure.

When it comes to accessorizing, nothing beats a classic pair of gold hoop earrings; you can dress them up or down.  Gold is always in style—and right now, it might be the safest investment you can make!  Gold fillings, however, are safer than earrings, as they are harder to remove by force and easier to conceal from thieves.  If you’re like many of us, months spent eating nutritionally void Ramen have not been kind to your teeth and they could probably use a little perking up.  Why not let your molars double as a savings bank?

If you pawned your heavy coats over the summer because you weren’t really thinking ahead, try padding one of your warmest jackets with layers of newspaper as the temperature begins to drop.  It’s cheap and chic, and will make you appear both elegant and well-read.  You’ll look so hot you won’t even notice the cold!

Speaking of layers, I know I say this every season, but less is more when it comes to fashion!  When you put on every item of clothing you own because the heat has been turned off in your studio apartment, before you get into bed at night, always take a quick look in the mirror and then take one piece off.  Remember:  a lady never over-accessorizes!


Molly Schoemann grew up in New York City and then moved to Boston by way of Honolulu, like you do.  She currently resides in North Carolina.  Molly began writing humor during her freshman year at Bard College.  She unapologetically prefers cake over pie.

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