I hope all of you enjoyed your Thanksgiving. And for those of you who think of Thanksgiving as something to survive rather than enjoy, I hope you all came out mostly unscathed. And for those of you who don’t celebrate Thanksgiving at all, forget I said anything. You don’t get to partake in my well-wishing today.

I’m not going to claim that masculinity is a formula, but it’s totally a formula. Do all of these things, and your masculinity will be increased by at least 60%, with an upper gain of 80%.

I’m not going to claim that I’m the first person to ever make this joke.

I don’t think I really had a joke in mind for this one. I just wanted a bagel.

The original title of this one was “Tricks and Hos” but I decided I didn’t want to go there.