Two mighty opponents glared at each other on the field of battle. One of them had a stomachache. “I don’t care if the stars realigned themselves to spell out her name,” the dragon roared, wishing he hadn’t eaten the other traveler he’d come across that morning. “I saw her first!” “My uncle’s pumpkin patch you
[continue reading…]
Thomas Huntington, CEO, broke into tears and said that despite the long hours he worked he truly loves his fiancée, Victoria, and will try to balance his work and home life better in the future. The marketing department then started singing “Thomas and Victoria sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Charlotte Figueroa, Northwestern Director of Product
[continue reading…]
Hector Van Ort lived in a pumpkin. It was a very nice pumpkin, very orange. At one point, it had actually been made of pumpkin, but then it got warm and the pumpkin got unpleasant and Hector had it reinforced with matchsticks and tinder. That worked about as well as one would expect, really. Thankfully
[continue reading…]
It’s that time again! Time for the obligatory holiday letter. Who can top the Kelly’s letter, though? Well, we can try. You will notice, I’ve got the mandatory red paper. So that’s a good start. Okay, let me begin. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!! GREETINGS TO ALL!!!!! (How was that? Did I put enough exclamation points? I put
[continue reading…]
Upon learning that you had purchased a brand new, Sealy postrapedic king size bed, I could not help but delve into the bank of observations I have collected over the years about the owners of king size beds, and I thought that I would share them with you because I got married before you and
[continue reading…]