I.

I have taken the credit
for the idea
you had
in the meeting

and which you
were probably
hoping
would get you promoted

Forgive me
for thinking imitation
the highest form
of flattery.

II.

I have also asked
you to get me
coffee
during your break

even though it is
our intern Brandon’s
job to get me coffee
and not yours

Forgive Brandon
for being too busy
on his phone
playing Candy Crush.

III.

I have also decided
to ask you
out
again

although you have
rejected me
four times
and blocked my number

Forgive me
for knowing
women like
to be wooed.

IV.

I have talked
over you
again
in front of our boss

who you were probably
hoping to talk to
about our
diversity initiative

Forgive him
for not being supportive
of women
in the workplace.

V.

I have also made
several comments
about how good your chest looks
in that sweater

did you know
your chest looks
good
in that sweater?

Forgive me
for complimenting you
about how good your chest looks
in that sweater.

————

Sophie Panzer lives in Philadelphia and enjoys performing stand-up comedy when it does not result in the death of innocent people. Her humor writing has appeared in LOL Comedy and the Philadelphia Satirer, and her serious writing has appeared in HOOT Review, The Hellebore, Coffin Bell Journal, and elsewhere.