“Diary of a Facebook Parent Group Post,” By Kristen Hansen Brakeman

Aug 29th, 2018 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

Calldale Canyon High School Parent Group

Closed Group

Sheila Haynes Rasmusen
1 hr

Hi CCHS parents! It’s Sheila Rasmusen, new PTA president.
The Varsity Football fundraiser is this Saturday!
1PM – 6PM
Car wash, bake sale, raffle & FUN!! Support our varsity boys! GO TIGER FOOTBALL!!

Like  Comment

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Jenny Barnes The Barnes will be there! Wondering – will there be gluten free items at the bake sale? Lucas is gluten sensitive. Hate to have him feel left out.
58 minsLike · 1

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Rick Anderson We’re new in town. What football opportunities are there for my 9-year-old twin boys?
56 mins Like · 1

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Sheila Haynes Rasmusen  Jenny Barnes We didn’t plan on having gluten free items, but I can bring some. Rick Anderson I’ll send you a link w/ youth football info. Go Tigers!!
55 mins Like · 1

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Jill Wainstock A car wash – Really? Aren’t we having a drought? Seems pretty irresponsible. Lame.
50 mins Like · 1

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George Stel FACT: Gluten sensitivity is HOGWASH
45 mins Like · 1

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Rachel Davidson  Rick Anderson Welcome to Calldale! You’re going to love it here. Not to judge, but I’d think twice about football for your boys. Have you read the stats on head injuries? Seriously. Do your research. I happen to care about my kids so I’d never let them play football.
38 mins Like · 1

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Tiffany Archuletta I don’t get the carwash thing either. Who though that was a good idea? Also, what about nuts? Will the bake sale items be nut-free? And my kid’s best friend can’t eat dairy.
35 mins Like · 1

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Mary Henderson I had 3 boys play football for CCHS and they turned out just fine.
34 mins Like · 1

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Mary Henderson And my 3 boys ate nuts and gluten and dairy and they turned out perfectly fine. Eldest 2 are married and have kids of their own.
33 mins Like · 1

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Sheila Haynes Rasmusen Okay, just trying to support the team here! In keeping with school policy all items will be nut free. I’ll bring a plate of gluten free, and dairy free, and I spoke with Abel the janitor, about the water. He said he won’t water the baseball field this week to offset the water usage. Thanks all!!! See you Saturday!!!!! Go Tigers!!!
32 mins Like · 1

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George Stel FACT: concussions aren’t any worse now then they were 30 years ago. Would you rather kids sit at home all day playing video games?
29 mins Like · 1

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Colleen Wader Is a bake sale really a good idea considering child obesity rates? Come on folks. Can’t we get a little more creative!
21 mins Like · 1

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Natalie Pasamonte Totally agree Colleen Wader. We should do what Pointview Academy does and auction off parking line spots.
20 mins Like · 1

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Sharon Davis Considering it was Pointview parents that recently got cited for serving alcohol to minors, we shouldn’t hold Pointview Academy up as an example. Let’s be leaders, not followers.
18 mins Like · 1

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Rhonda McCartan Good point Sharon In my family we have a rule, and that’s don’t be a follower, be a leader. That’s why I don’t like Common Core.
17 mins Like ·1

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Colleen Wader I’m glad you brought up Common Core Rhonda. Has anyone seen the latest studies on teen suicide? There must be a direct correlation.
16 mins Like · 1

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Sheila Haynes Rasmusen Seems like we’re getting a little off track. Lots of ideas here, but maybe now just focus on the football fundraiser? See you at the car wash – the drought conscious, gluten free, dairy free J car wash. This Saturday!! Go Tigers.
15 mins Like · 1

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George Stel FACT: Common Core was created by a bunch of idiots who want our kids to be stupid so they have to use computers to do everything for them – computers they happen to sell.
13 mins Like · 1

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Mary Henderson My 3 boys were taught the old-fashioned way and they turned out just fine.
11 mins Like · 1

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Jill Wainstock A raffle – Seriously? What is this, Vegas? We shouldn’t be teaching kids about gambling. Also lame.
8 mins Like · 1

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Tiffany Archuletta Glad baked items are nut-free, but now I’m questioning this fundraiser. What about girls’ soccer? Why are we only raising money for the boys?
9 mins Like · 1

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Ron Rodriguez Now it’s about sexism. Hold your own fundraiser if you want to. No one is forcing you to come to this one.
7 mins Like · 1

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George Stel FACT: If the schools didn’t waste so much money on Title IX sports no one cares about, we wouldn’t even need fundraisers.
6 mins Like · 1

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Sheila Haynes Rasmusen OKAY FINE. THERE WON’T BE ANY F’ING NUTS OR F’ING GLUTEN OR F’ING DAIRY OR A F’ING RAFFLE! WE’LL WASH THE F’ING CARS WITH F’ING DRY RAGS AND NO F’ING WATER!!! AND GEORGE, HERE’S ANOTHER FACT FOR YOU — MARY’S PERFECT SONS? THE OLDEST CHEATED ON HIS WIFE, THE MIDDLE ONE IS UNDER INVESTIGATION BY THE IRS, AND THE YOUNGEST IS SELLING WEED FROM THE ROOM HE STILL LIVES IN OVER MARY’S GARAGE!!!!! See you Saturday. Go Tigers.
5 mins Like · 1

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Debbie Shulman Hi everyone. Sorry to say the Varsity Football fundraiser has been canceled. Also, PTA will be holding an emergency election for a new president. PM me if you want to throw your name in the ring!
1 min Like · 1

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Christie Sellers What time is the fundraiser?
Just now Like · 1

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Kristen Hansen Brakeman is the author of Is That The Shirt You’re Wearing? nominated for the 2018 Thurber Prize for American Humor. She has been published in the Washington Post, New York Times Motherlode, Huffington Post, and CS Monitor, and was named Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Writer of the Month. Kristen can be found on TwitterFacebook, and her website.

 

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