You’re a [Redacted] One, Mr. Grinch

Dec 12th, 2011 | By | Category: Prose

Right about now, you’re smack dab in the middle of the various Christmas holiday cartoons that run rampant until Christmas. It’s a great time to gather the little ones around the warm glow of the television and for a few days of the year, pretend like you’re a normal well-adjusted family, and that dad’s drinking problem is nothing more than an expression of his holiday cheer.

There are numerous holiday cartoons and specials shown during the lead up to the big day. While that’s all fine and dandy, 95% of them are utter crap, with the only real decent one being How the Grinch Stole Christmas. As a child, I bought in like everyone else about how the Grinch was a force of evil who wants people to suffer. But much like everything else in life, things tend to become clearer when you reach adulthood, and the Grinch is really not that bad a guy.

The story starts off with the Grinch sitting in his cave, lamenting on the fact that Christmas is upon him, and that means one thing; it’s going to get really loud, really fast. He stands outside, looking down over the town, thinking about Christmas Day, and about everything that comes with it in that tiny burg. How everything down there, for one day, is perfect and the rest of the world doesn’t matter, it’s all about them, and their happiness. “Nuts to that” is his take on the whole deal, and he thinks of a way to “stop Christmas from coming.” He cracks a smile that served as the inspiration behind Tim Curry’s own, and sets his plan in motion. Using his skills with a sewing machine, he creates a Santa suit, complete with a hat, prepares a number of sacks, and outfits his pet Max with a single, sawed off antler. Once the sleigh is loaded, they set off down the mountain, arriving at the outskirts of town in the middle of the night.

Without hesitation he quickly gets to work, sliding down the chimney. He gazes upon the living room and begins. Taking everything from jingtinglers, to pampongas, the roast beast, and even stooping so low as to lift the last can of who-hash, he strips their homes bare, leaving nothing behind but wires and crumbs, doing all of this while being insulted by Tony the Tiger. Sometime during the night, little Cindy Loo-Who (who’s no older than two), wakes up to find the Grinch attempting to stuff the tree up the chimney (lights and all), he explains to the child his intent, gets her a glass of water and shoos her off to bed. He fills all his ill-begotten loot into dozens upon dozens of burlap sacks; and, while displaying an almost god-like level of strength, not only stuffed them back up the chimney, but did so with enough force that it shoots out the top, clears the roof, and lands next to (or on) Max.

Once he’s loaded up everything he can get his hands on, he forcibly makes his small companion haul everything up the mountain back to his cold and damp cave. He gets to the top, stands out on a ledge, and awaits the cries of anguish sure to rise from the town below. He waits…and waits, nothing, not even so much as a “What the f@#$?!.” So what does he hear? Singing. Those Whovillians knew exactly who was to blame, they rose their voice in song to send a giant “Go f@#$ yourself” to the Grinch, who was sure to be listening for their wails.

But it doesn’t stop at singing, it devolves into some sort of pagan ritual as a ball of light rises from the center of the village and ascends to the exact position of where the star was on the town’s tree. This ball of light illuminates the entire town and exudes a sort of mind control effect on the Grinch, who then rushes down to town to disperse the gifts that he had taken. In the true Christmas spirit, the Whos forgive the Grinch, invite him to the great feast, allow him to sit at the head of the table and carve the roast beast. A wonderful end to what started out as a completely ruined holiday.

Thinking about all of that, most would say the Grinch was a bitter old man, hell bent on taking away others’ joy, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. The first instance in which he can completely shatter someone’s perception of Christmas, it’s little Miss Loo-Who. Not wanting to take her childhood away, he falls right in line with the Santa role for two reasons: the first being he doesn’t want her believing Santa is some common crook. The other is pretty obvious. With as much care as he can muster, he helps her to bed, and continues to work. The other children who shared the same bed with Cindy were spared the same fate as he took great care not to wake them. Second, he’s taking material possessions, things that can easily be replaced, and weren’t supposed to be the focus of Christmas. In taking those simple things, he’s forcing a sort of epiphany on the Whos as to what Christmas truly is. Third, at the climax of the story when the Grinch has his change of heart, and brings everything right back to the town center. The man lives on a mountain, if he had intentions of really shredding whatever sense of hope remained, he’d have thrown everything into the deepest gorge and gone on his way. The Whos singing signified to him that they had come to understand the meaning of Christmas, and in doing so, have earned the right to celebrate the holiday as they always had, with the gifts and festivities that was so much a part of them.

So, you may not buy the whole “he was doing it for the greater good” theory, that it’s a flimsy excuse that sounds to have been concocted by one of the many lawyers you see on TV in the early afternoon hours who claim that they’ll fight for you. I can dig it, but let’s take a look at his apparent victims, the Whos. What most fail to realize is that all of this could have been avoided if even one of those self-involved Whos thought about inviting the Grinch over during the season, but did they? Of course not. Year in and year out, they celebrate their own holiday, and every year, the Grinch was forced to sit by and listen to their joyous raucous, remembering his own past Christmases, and the tragedies that had occurred in his life that shrunk his heart two-sizes too small. Think of every grumpy-ass old person you’ve ever known, the majority of the time, they act like that because they lost someone they cared deeply for.

Of course, no one in Whoville knew exactly what the Grinch was going through, and just assumed him to be an asshole. Hell, “The Grinch” is more than likely the name giving to him by the town-folk. Instead of trying to connect with him on an emotional level, they demonize him and tell children that if they misbehave the Grinch will “get them.” They didn’t even think to take a man, who lives in a cave, a single can of creamed corn. Christmas is the time of year when you’re supposed to think about those who have nothing, and try to make their holiday just a little bit brighter, but did they? No. So what happens at the end, it takes a child, who is still crapping their pants, to make others understand that the Grinch has feelings, and, were it not for that child, they’d continue being the uncaring populace they had been for years.

They brought it on themselves.


Chris hates anyone or anything which goes against how he feels a sentient being with more than three brain cells should act. He hopes to use his “Encyclopedia Douchebag…ica” as a springboard into becoming a full-fledged, tax exempt religion complete with holidays and greeting cards, mainly so he can steal from its coffers. His hopes are…not that high, knowing that those who needs his guidance most, are unable to read his words… what with the extra flesh from their sloped, ape-like foreheads blinding their eyes from the truth.

When not acting like a complete bastard (which is not very often), Chris writes about all things video game related on his blog iNOOBriated, and his Twitter. He also offers his services as a freelancer for Beckett’s Massive Online Gamer. Yep, he’s a neeeeeerd.

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