“An Ambivalent Kiss-off Note in 78 Beatles’ Titles, 3 ‘Buts,’ and a ‘So,’” by David Wanczyk

Feb 2nd, 2011 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

                                                                                                                                    February 14th, 2011

Martha My Dear,

Hello little girl. I don’t want to spoil the party, but I want to tell you something. You like me too much. You can’t do that because everybody’s trying to be my baby. Slow down. Dig it? Let it be.

Things we said today: I need you, you’ll be mine, I wanna be your man.  I should have known better.

Ask me why? Baby, it’s you! What you’re doing is bad to me. If I need someone crying, waiting, hoping, I’ll get you.  I’ve got a feeling you won’t see me. I’m looking through you and I love her, another girl, Sexy Sadie (ain’t she sweet?). She’s a woman.

I saw her standing there, free as a bird, the night before yesterday. She came in through the bathroom window. I’m just happy to dance with her any time at all. Hallelujah, I love her so! 

All things must pass, Martha my dear, wild Honey Pie. If you’ve got trouble, you’ve got to hide your love away. Honey, don’t cry, baby, cry.

Wait! I’ll cry instead. I will. I’m gonna sit right down and cry over you, cry for a shadow! Help. We can work it out. I got a woman, but I need you, girl!  Do you want to know a secret? I want you (she’s so heavy!). 

Tomorrow never knows, so don’t pass me by. I’ll be back. When I get home, why don’t we do it in the road, come together? You know what to do: The Hippy Hippy Shake! Thank you, girl. Good night. 

All my loving, Martha my dear. 

                                                                                                Besame mucho,

                                                                                                You know my name (look up the number)

P.S. I love you. Don’t ever change. But, please, no reply. Don’t bother me. That means a lot. 


David Wanczyk’s work has been published in Alimentum, Brevity, Bellingham Review, Defunct, Lake Effect, New York Quarterly, and Quarter After Eight.

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