“Oh, That Jason!” by Tim Cushing

Nov 17th, 2010 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

“Oh, That Jason!,” despite airing for only two seasons (1953-54) has nonetheless gained a small cult following over the passing years. Hailed by critics as “horrifying,” “reprehensible” and “relentlessly depraved,” “Oh, That Jason!” was truly groundbreaking television, as evidenced by this list of highlights from its truncated run:

Debut Episode

We meet Jason’s family (wife Mary, son John and daughter Amy) as well as being introduced to their farming neighbors, Willie, Ethel and their son, Jed. With Willie away on business, Ethel takes over the “man’s work.” Hilarity ensues as Ethel realizes she is over her head and loses an arm to the combine.

Episode 8

Jason’s wife tries to organize a community garden but is incarcerated by the local police following a tip from a visiting Joseph McCarthy. Meanwhile, John puts into practice some valuable lessons gleaned from his literature assignment, Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery.” Hilarity ensues. Special Guest: Joseph McCarthy as himself, delivering a speech on the dangers of mutual effort.

Episode 12

Jason takes a business trip to Las Vegas, where some associates talk him into visiting a burlesque house. Jason is in the clear until he runs into his wife’s sister Emma, a burlesque performer. After a long night “out with the boys,” Jason finds himself racing to the airport to make his plane. Will he remember that Emma’s body is still in the rental car trunk? Hilarity ensues.

Episode 16

Jason’s neighborhood association greets the newest addition to their suburb, a Negro family from Alabama. They waste no time welcoming them by constructing them their own set of bathrooms, a seat on the bus and their very own table near the rear of the local eatery! Unfortunately, their new neighbors soon return to Alabama after discovering they possess the most flammable lawn on the block.

Episode 26

In a crossover with “Leave It to Beaver,” Jason’s son John becomes fed up with Wally’s conniving, two-faced shit and beats him to death in the basement. Hilarity ensues as the family comes together to cover up the hideous crime. 

Episode 32

In this very special Christmas episode, daughter Amy volunteers at the local soup kitchen. She overhears some of the patrons speaking about “riding a white horse.” An animal lover herself, Amy trails them to the “wrong side of the tracks,” where she learns a little drug slang and a lot about life. As the police sweep in to deliver a savage beating to the strung-out addicts, Amy breathes a sigh of relief and vows never to help anyone again.

Episode 37

Returning from a business trip to Mexico, Jason agrees to help out a kindly stranger by carrying his bag through customs. Unfortunately, the bag is full of marijuana and Jason is detained by the local police. Hilarity ensues as the situation is sorted out. Jason finally returns home to his wife, telling her, “There are no hard feelings. The police were just doing their job. And, as usual, they did it half-assed.” Jason and Mary enjoy this delicious pun as he points to the baggies of black-tar heroin floating in the toilet. Special guest: Charlton Heston as Detective Edward Mendoza. 

Episode 44

Summer has arrived and Jason takes his family on vacation to a log cabin in the woods. While reading some selections from a leather-bound set of Good Housekeeping magazines, Jason inadvertently awakens an evil deep within the forest. Hilarity ensues as the family fights off evil trees, reanimated corpses and Jason’s own hand, which has gone evil. 

Episode 51

In this season finale turned series finale, Jason’s son John has a “Who’s on First” type conversation with his coach while trying to explain how exactly he “plays for the other team.” Hilarity ensues. 


Raised on the works of Douglas Adams and P.J. O’Rourke, and classically trained in the fine art of wordsmithery, Tim Cushinghas carved himself out an incredibly small niche as a self-publishing blogger, flying free from the constraints of editorial oversight or acompetent spellchecker. In addition to his appearances in/at Defenestration, Tim’s writing has also appeared (very) periodically at The Big Jewel, prompting many to view these as some sort of illusion, possibly related to climate/dosage change. Visit him at his blog: www.capitalistliontamer.wordpress.com

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