You can’t have a cupcake shop in a coop in the backyard, but you can have chickens.

It was an upstanding American president who said, “a chicken in every pot.” It was Marie Antoinette, a French monarch who lost her head, who said, “let them eat (cup)cake(s).”

Think how much fun the kids would have selling chicken eggs on the 695 onramp at a huge markup.

Chickens have brains. My neighbor has a Rhode Island Red named Rhodesia that saved all their lives.

Cupcakes? No brains. Even with patient and persistent training, they can’t peck 911.

But consider this: senior male cupcakes don’t wake up at the crack of dawn and crow. That’s a positive, compared with owning a rooster.

Another way cupcakes are superior to chickens: You can’t bribe a kid with a chicken.

Also, cupcakes are cheaper. Unless for your cupcake coop you want an Italian pastry counter and a staff that’s good looking. In that case, a chicken Igloo is cheaper.

However, cupcakes are recognized as easier to kill; you don’t need a special “neck funnel,” or an ax.

But why butcher at all? You could frost cupcakes to look like chickens and scatter them—immobile, silent, and delicious—around the yard, easily convincing yourself you have the best of both worlds.

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Elizabeth Bastos used to work in corporate and foundation relations, but now she has two children and writes humor and poetry in the Baltimore suburbs. She can be found at goodybastos.blogspot.com.