“Slaver,” by Nick Allen

Mar 20th, 2009 | By | Category: Prose

Dear Mr. Wolf,

Thank you for your interest in joining our vegetarian society.

To be frank I was truly surprised to see an application from a species that is traditionally viewed as a ravenous carnivore who’s penchant for raw flesh is legendary with a bloodlust second to none.

That said, I have reviewed your letter of application with interest, noting in particular that you state you ‘Love seeds, leaves and pulses more than life itself’.   You also claim to be a director of ‘The British Broccoli Corporation’ and a founder member of ‘Herbivores R Us’. 

In addition, you make special reference to the fact that you have ‘No interest whatsoever in eating Rabbits and Chickens’. 

So, on the face of it, you seem to be a potentially ideal member of our little society.

However you are no doubt aware that most of our members are indeed Rabbits and Chickens and, despite your reassurances, they are understandably reticent about welcoming you to our next AGM. 

Indeed, some of our members suspect you might be a ‘Wolf in wolf’s clothing’ who’s sole interest in joining our group, is to eat its members.

And I’m sure you can understand that I was more than a little perturbed to discover that there are  no records of the supposed associations you allege you belong to, yet have discovered that you subscribe to ‘People’s Fang’ and are a member of ‘Fiends Reunited’.

So, with the above in mind, it is with regret that on this occasion I have to refuse your application. 

You may well apply for membership again in 3 months time although I suspect that you will indeed be told to ‘Bugger Off”.


A. Hare


Nick is a Mental Health Nurse from Manchester, England.  He has been writing for about 2 years and has work with ezines such as Bewildering Stories, Microhorror, shortstory.us.com and The Pygmy Giant.  Other interests include hiking, science and poker.  And he wishes he still had hair…

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