“Poems Composed Upon Accidentally Shaving Off My Beard and Not Accidentally Growing It Back” by John Pierce

Aug 20th, 2008 | By | Category: Poetry

My beard
Spreading eternally over the surfaces of my face
The wide plains, the rolling hills, the tiniest crevices.
Never ceasing to grow.
Except for that one time when I accidentally shaved it off.

My beard is like the fall.
As autumn leaves cascade groundward at the faintest breeze,
So fell my beard into the sink. One errant touch of the trimmer.
Will my beard be like the spring?
O, awaken from your bare and chilly sleep!
Put forth full foliage
Despite the fallen hair.

My beard, reclaiming the empty spaces,
Like flood waters consuming the valley,
Like barnacles clinging to a new hull,
Like skin closing over the open wound.
Things return to their rightful places.
I think this is the better of my faces.

My beard,
warm, fuzzy-goodness,
shining, shimmering, seducing,
Man, I really missed you-
O Beardy.


John Pierce claims to be from Texas. He claims to be an honors English teacher. He claims that he’s only sometimes a writer, whatever that means. But after doing about five minutes of research on Wikipedia, we here at Defenestration have come to the conclusion that John Pierce is none other than Eustace Agony, writer of vampire romance novels and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan-fiction.

You can keep thinking you can hide from us, Agony, but we’ll track you down every single time.

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