“The Young Emily Dickinson’s Letter Home from Summer Camp,” by Marianne Hess

May 20th, 2008 | By | Category: Poetry

Because I would not stop for Crafts

The Counselor yelled at me

I think that She is quite an Ass

And Stupid probably.

This whole damn thing   Is such a waste

And I am forced to play

When all I’d really rather do

Is Get the Hell Away

I drained the Pool, where Children dove

And then   when I was Done

I torched the pier and Climbing Wall

I kicked the Counselor’s Son

Or rather   He kicked Me

It Rains all day, I’ve caught a chill

For only Polyester, my Shorts

My T-Shirt   only Twill

At baseball, when they picked the Teams

Both Captains turned me Down

Then All the Kids, they laughed at me

I Superglued   the Mound

Since then   ’tis Reprimands   but that

Feels better than to Play

With nimrods who like Birdhouses

And shit made out of Clay


Marianne Hess firmly asserts that this was Emily Dickinson’s first poem. We’re inclined to believe her, just because we’re all incredibly, incredibly gullible.

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