Girl alert – I loved A Room with a View. It’s the lemon-frosted cupcake of film; what’s not to like? And of course I crushed out on George Emerson, just like any other girl who sat at home on Friday nights in high school clutching her life-size Jane Austen pillow and sighing over a guy whose idea of summer wear is a three-layer linen suit and a big straw hat. Julian Sands played this oddball with happy intensity, and all was right with the world.

Then, Julian Sands was in Boxing Helena, and after that I couldn’t look at him any more, and that’s all I have to say about that movie that isn’t said in all caps as I flail like I’m covered in beetles.

I still haven’t gotten over that movie, to the point that when I saw him in a YouTube clip today I clicked away instantly, thinking it was from Warlock or something, but then I realized that it was a romantic songvid (don’t ask) and so Warlock it was not.

You know what it was?

It was his role as THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

How did I live this long without knowing about this movie? Well, I am taking care of that THIS WEEKEND.

I’m excited! It has some markers for genius filmaking: namely, changing the storyline (now the Phantom is raised by rats, you guys. Not deformed, just, you know, raised by rats), and Julian Sands’ wig, which is so bad that every time this music video cuts to him, I laugh out loud. I’ve seen this video four times. No joke, I laugh out loud. Every. Time. How many comedies can boast a 100% rate of return on a joke?

If you need further evidence that this movie about a bewigged rat-child stalking an opera singer who wears transparent dresses and runs around alone at night is worth seeing, check out the review, in three parts below.

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Genevieve is a prolific writer of speculative fiction living in New York, but you’ll never find her there because millions of people live there and Genevieve likes her privacy. Examples of her fiction can be found in Strange Horizons, Fantasy Magazine, Federations, and numerous other magazines and anthologies. Her first novel is forthcoming in 2011. Also? She has terrible taste in movies.