“The President and the Pear,” by Eric Suhem

Jan 20th, 2008 | By | Category: Prose

A pear sat adrift in the banks of snow, incongruous, out-of-place, but as the ice melted, the pear rolled along the ground, ending up in a pile of wastepaper at the foot of the White House. A janitorial engineer wondered whether it was eatable, decided ‘No’, and tossed it over his shoulder through a west wing window, onto the desk of the leader of the free world. The president was on the verge of making a disastrous foreign policy decision, one which would increase the tariffs on imported string beans to an unmanageable level, potentially sending shockwaves through the agricultural industry.

When the bulbous fruit landed on his desk, his mind was shifted back to his happily pear-filled rural childhood, in which pears, strangely or not, seemed to play a role in the positive milestones of his upbringing. High school graduation under the pear trees of Pear High. The interview for his first law job in the Beltway, hoping to become a lowly clerk, sweatily answering hypothetical questions, surprised when the interviewer suddenly voiced a craving for a peach, or even a pear, though the interviewer expressed dismay that probably neither were immediately available, while pulling sidelong glances toward the vending machine, which could deposit various fruit-flavored iced teas for $1.25. The interviewer distinctly considered these to be a poor substitute for an actual peach or pear, bestowed by Mother Nature, and began to sulk, displaying increasingly hostile glances toward the interviewee. To the future-president’s relief, he had a pear in his inner suit pocket, saving it for a free snack period, but now gladly depositing it on the interviewer’s desk, inviting him to dig in. From there, it was a quick rise to senior partner in the law firm, then political aspirations.

The president now reviewed that past trajectory dreamily in his mind as he eyed the pear, situated on the desk near his blotter and favorite pens. His new positive pear-influenced disposition changed his stance on the string green bean legislation. He reversed his tariff position, enabling long-term string green bean enjoyment for all. The president picked up the pear and rolled it around reflectively in his palm, viewing his various past decisions through a new lens of consciousness, his brain chemistry brightening permanently. Through a series of incremented moves, he reversed dozens of previous decisions, which he now recognized were hostile to humanity. Throughout this entire 3-year process, he lovingly eyed the pear on his desk, which although it benefited society as a whole, distressed his wife greatly, as it now dominated his affections.


Eric Suhem lives in California, and enjoys the various qualities of his fruit/vegetable juicer.

Tags: , , ,

Comments are closed.