Both my parents grew up in the Depression and carried all the baggage of frugality that went along with that. If you’re my age and grew up in the U.S. you’re probably also familiar with reused plastic bags from bread loafs drying by the sink, getting ready to be packed with lunches and then brought back and washed and reused again. The twist ties were saved in the cutlery drawer. My father would pick up usable nails if he saw them on the street and bring them back to his workbench. My mother, beaming, would present us with a penny she had found on a dog walk. “You can put it in your piggy bank!”

I feel the need to tell you about my elementary school lunches.

Because I was talking to my friend today, about the evolution of vegan cheese, and alternative meat substances, because we were in Downward Dog, and all the blood was rushing to our heads.

This is a very West Los Angeles situation I’m describing.

Step-by-Step Instructions:

A. Remove from packaging. Chances are you can skip this step. Dustpans are one of those special objects that are not bound by packaging. They come as they are. So you can skip to step B.

Well, well, well. If it isn’t another December sneaking up on us like three Christmas ghosts in a rich old man’s bedroom. Good morning, everyone. Happy holidays. And welcome to the December 2024 issue of Defenestration!

This year has been one of frantic, busy madness, so it’s no wonder that I don’t know where the time’s gone and run off to.

I once had a friend who didn’t believe in pirates.

She said, “They’re a conspiracy.”

I said, “why?”

“I’ve never seen one.”

I nodded. I had no idea what she was talking about.