“An Ode to HR,” by Kenneth Nichols

Dec 20th, 2022 | By | Category: Poetry

Without you…
Applicants wouldn’t
enjoy long, happy afternoons
copy-pasting the exact same information
from their resumes into
fourteen different portals.

Without you…
There would be no
completely worthwhile
three-hour seminars
devoted to reminding us that
watching porn all day
over company WiFi is

Without you…
how would we know that
Bluecorp finds it
to hurl racial slurs
at coworkers
or clients
or customers
or consultants
or contractors
or anyone else?

Without you…
the company wouldn’t spend
hundreds of thousands of dollars
during a hiring freeze
for outside consultants to develop
completely useful
online training modules
that wouldn’t challenge a
bright second-grader.

Without you…
we would see a puddle
of an unknown substance
on the floor,
and we would fall to our knees,
sniff the liquid,
roll it between our fingers, and
lap it up like a
dog taking a drink after
a walk on a hot summer day.

Without you…
The people who actually
generate revenue for Bluecorp
would be alone.



Kenneth Nichols holds a Creative Writing MFA from Ohio State and teaches writing at SUNY Oswego. His work has appeared in publications such as Prime Number and anthologies from Catapult Press and The Raving Press.

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