In last month’s column, I attempted to describe the complexity (and utter banality) of the bromance. But now I worry that perhaps my example of Hollywood pretty boys, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, didn’t quite normalize it as much as I had hoped. So, in continuation, here are a few more examples to make you feel either better or worse about yourselves. Enjoy!
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost
The Femme-Butch Bromance
It doesn’t seem to matter whether or not these two adorable lugs are evading zombies, fighting against small town cults or smuggling a CGI alien cross-country, you can’t deny that there’s chemistry between these two. Little do people know, this bromance extends well before their moving-making days. This was back when the two traveled the English countryside in their Mystery Machine with tubs of pot brownies… ummmm … Scooby Snacks, apprehending various criminals disguised as monsters. Simon usually got the girl and Nick usually embarrassed him, a lot. But only through the powers of teamwork did these two thwart old man Wickles and his various jewel-heist schemes.
Why the femme-butch label? Well, it was cold out there on the moors and poor skinny Simon needed butch Nick to keep him warm.
Edgar Allan Poe and Jules Verne
The Writerly Bromance
Here we have the Mac’ Daddy of Horror and the Father of Science Fiction. Thanks to cartoonist, Kate Beaton, their long-lost bromance has been revealed. Historically speaking, Poe published a hoax article about a man crossing the Atlantic in a hot air balloon contraption which may or may not have inspired Verne’s Around the World in Eighty Days. Either way, the two were destined to be drinking buds and I can only imagine the awesomeness of their drunken candor:
Verne: And then I’m going to write a time machine novel.
Poe: That’s nice. I’m running out of underage cousins to marry.
Verne: ?!
Poe: Nevermore… I mean, never mind.
Verne: You wanna go back to my chateau and make out?
Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage
The Myth Busting Bromance
For those of you not too familiar with queer lingo, these two bros easily fit the description of “bears”. That’s right, your hosts of Myth Busters are two gloriously brawny (and most likely furry) bears and together they bring their expertise to prove or disprove the achievements of special effects.
But here’s the real myth that plagues my mind: do these two bro-mates have a special den where they snuggle together during hibernation season? And can I join?
Batman and Robin
The Crime Fighting Bromance
These prove that the buddy system works… except for the fact that Robin was always getting captured or killed and Batman went through a lot of Robins during the course of his comics. Not that we blame older daddy-type Bruce Wane for wanting to keep his sidekicks young and virile. Plus it takes a special sort of friendship to show up to the party in matching cod pieces.
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Got a question? Jonathan (apparently) has all the answers: jonathandefenestrates@gmail.com!