Dear Jonathan:
You seem righteous and well-read. What’s your opinion on the whole “de-funding Planned Parenthood” debacle that was playing out in the news recently?
On April 15th, 2011, the Washington Post’s Opinion Section had a fantastic article by Clare Coleman in regards to the five myths about Planned Parenthood. This was in response to Tea Partier Michelle Bachman’s statement about Planned Parenthood trying to be the LensCrafters of abortion. After you get past the incredibly offensive statement, Bachman has a simple argument: she thinks Planned Parenthood shouldn’t get government funding or be tax exempt. Now in my opinion, if you think the term “sexual health” is potty language, then you shouldn’t be making decisions that affect the rest of us. Also, Bachmann’s statement told me nothing about the issue at hand. It was a cheap insult that wasn’t even funny. However, the article explained very precisely what Planned Parenthood does and the consequences of it disappearing.
Yes, if you want to know what’s going on in the world, you have to pay attention and listen carefully to the people you disagree with. Yes, some people cheapen real discussion with insults and profane comparisons instead of actually discussing the issues. Yes, it is stressful and scary to hear what some people have to say.
So, if you’re going to have to hear political crazy, you might as well enjoy it with fun claymation:
So she says, while mushing her little omelet. But I’m curious – what kind of omelet is she making? Are those mushrooms or sausage? And is that scared little girl the next ingredient?!
It certainly is frightening. Which head is saying this? Are they in agreement? And is this what happens when your parents are brother and sister?
When you’re sad, Gumby makes you glad with all the things he can do!
Like, remember how he was always fighting against the evil Blockheads? And the Blockheads were all like, “We’re bad-ass and gonna cause trouble,” and then they would kidnap Pokey! Yeah, that was great stuff.
Is it just me or does she look like she’s about to rip one?
Well aren’t you just adorable! Oh cutie, what are guarding those Alaskan borders from? Eskimos? That’s precious. Isn’t he just the sternest and toughest and most downright menacing monster you ever met? I wonder what would happen if I tickled him?
It must be witchcraft. And, rumor has it, they are also learning how to make necrophilia look sexy … ugh, I can’t believe I just said that.
Conspiracy theorists look so much better when they smile and have adorable puppies with them.
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Got a question? Send it to jonathandefenestrates@gmail.com!