Somebody left me a lot of money in Nigeria.

Drugs are cheaper through the mail.

From Canada.

Love is just a click away.

Someone is waiting to meet me.

My perfect mate is waiting for me!

But I really should enlarge my penis.

Jesus saved. Now I can too.

On my mortgage.

But time is running out to apply.

Bad credit is okay.

I didn’t know that.

I guess I qualify.

My child can receive a letter from Santa.

I wish I could.

Against all odds and good common sense,

I could become a police officer.

Time is running out.

But I may have known that already.

————

John Calvin Hughes is the author of The Novels and Short Stories of Frederick Barthelme, a critical study from the Edwin Mellen Press. He thinks his aunt may have bought a copy.