Eileen and Andrew Play MASH while Genevieve Burns Harry Potter

Jul 20th, 2007 | By | Category: Columns



  • Garbage Inspector
  • Gynecologist
  • Sweatshop Manager
  • Performance Artist (homeless)
  • Sultan of Dubai’s Girlfriend



  • Hooking
  • Taxidermy
  • Playing Bradley Headstone at Dickens World
  • Coupon Clipping Enthusiast
  • Staring at Andrew


Who You Will Marry

  • Bruce Willis circa 1989
  • Andrew
  • Ryan Reynolds
  • Chad the Ex-Boyfriend
  • Larry King



  • A Swarm
  • Macaulay Culkin
  • A Toothbrush
  • Myriad of fluffy puppies


How You Will Die

  • Twinkie Accident
  • Run over by clown car
  • ATM Explosion (hundreds everywhere!)
  • Papercut to the femoris artery



End Result

Andrew will live in an apartment and will work as a Performance Artist (homeless). His hobby will be staring at Andrew, and he will be married to Andrew. He will have A Swarm for children and will die in an ATM Explosion (hundreds everywhere!).


Eileen longs for her very own Dream House (of the Barbie variety).

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