Craigslist Posting No. 3

By S.P. MacIntyre

Craigslist Posting No. 3:  I want to date a disfigured person -

I want to kiss your scars and trace your vitiligo spots. I'll cook you meals and massage your acromegalic bones. I want to offer you help, smile on my face, knowing you don't need any, and have you give me that look you do when you know someone is being patronizing. I want to do all those things, give you all the affection others may be too squeamish to do, and more.

I want to tell you that insensitive joke, the one you hate but can't seem to ever not laugh at.

I want to touch those places you hate, that you feel ashamed of, and say, "You're beautiful. You're beautiful." And you to do the same for me and say, "So are you. So are you." The same way that all human beings are beautiful, regardless of circumstance. I want to reassure you that you're whole, not devoid, and fine just the way you are.

I want to lie in bed with you at night and have you slap me, jokingly, telling me that I'm a depraved fetishist. "How could you ever love..." and I'll stop you. I'll say everyone deserves love. Everyone. Because everyone does.

Let's sit on the back of a car and scream expletives at passers-by that stare too long, or for no reason whatsoever. We'll shout at the moon and stars about the things that've happened to us, but love every moment of it because we enjoy the people we've become because of it all, and also because we love that moment we have together when the absence of limbs or anything else is no longer a metric for determining the wonderment we experience in life.

S.P. MacIntyre is still looking for that special someone.  He's not overly concerned with personality or looks or even hygiene, for that matter, but still refuses to date anyone with worms (though this scruple is slowly subsiding as he grows progressively more lonely and desperate).  If you ever see a personal ad that describes the poster's desire to date anyone, even if they have a castration fetish or halitosis, it totally might be him and you should probably respond!  I hear he's really handsome and doesn't necessarily smell like feet, maybe!