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Letter From Home
By Ryan Nemeth
Dear Zachary,
It sounds like your first semester away at school is going great. We’re all very happy for you, and we miss you. Your brother Kyle made the junior varsity basketball team, and your father is working a lot (like always).
It’s great that you decided to join the rowing team. When I was in college, we thought all the rowers were fags. But I guess things change.
We just got your grades—you made the Dean’s List! Congratulations. You are very smart and I am happy for you. When I was in school, I was always too busy trying to “do” everyone on the basketball team to focus on exams and homework. I suppose I matured a little when I started dating your father. But soon enough, our relationship turned into just another bucket of distractions. We spent more time with each other than we did studying. I guess when I was that age, getting coked up and screwing him and his friends was my number one priority. It was all a lot of fun, but my grades suffered.
Gosh, it seemed like I was pregnant every other week! If I actually sat down and tried to count all the abortions I had during my junior and senior years—let’s just say I’d need another hand. The doctors wouldn’t let me have the last one—they said I was “too far along” (whatever that means). But, when it did sink in that I was stuck with you I was able to pressure your “father” into marrying me. Like they say: “when one door closes, another door opens.”
Look at me, going on about my boring past. Like you care what your old mother has to say. Ok, well I have to help Kyle with his algebra (you know how your brother is with math). Keep up the good work and we’ll see you in a few weeks.
Love,
Mom
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