To The Esteemed Editors of [redacted]

Katharine Coldiron


Dear Editors of [redacted],

I just wanted to drop a short note to thank you for your timely and enjoyable rejection letter of—well, there's no date on the letter, but I can presume that it was mailed in the last two weeks.

First, the salutation. "Dear Writer"! So proud it made me to be recognized as a writer, with no needless mention of my name. Next, I want to thank you for the two friendly sentences that addressed your rejection of my piece. I am sure that it took someone at your fine organization many minutes to compose such thoughtful, yet delightfully banal sentiments. The composer has probably long since retired, or died, but I hope the compliment is appreciated nevertheless.

And the next paragraph was marvelously informative. I was amazed at the many awards your publication has been tenuously connected with, and the many presumably illustrious authors you have published.

Finally, it was so thoughtful of you to offer me a 40% discount on your magazine. I'm touched that you took the time to find out whether or not I was a subscriber. And it's so clever that the order form is a detachable part of the letter. Such convenience!

Most especially, I want to thank you for the pristine condition of the letter. Not only was it unsullied by signatures or penned notes, but it actually looked as if no human hand had ever touched it—extraordinary.

Thank you again for providing me with such an inspiring rejection.


Warm wishes,
Katharine Coldiron


PS: My boyfriend says that your letter was a thoughtless, shameless, needlessly boastful form letter of the worst ilk. Isn't he just a pill? You and I understand how much harder it is to be on the sending end, instead of the receiving end, of rejection after rejection after
rejection after rejection!  -K.

Katharine Coldiron has been rejected by Calyx, Creative Nonfiction, juked, 55 Words, and many others. She writes and lives in Maryland and on the web at kcoldiron.com, and edits 10X10X10.