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Mike Wiegand
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Death 'n' Stuff
Mike Wiegand
"Cremains" she calls it
This box of gray dust,
The floury residue of Dad
Maybe if I add water he will bake back.
"I'll bring the cremains out," she says
Drifting off like smoke with my check.
The cremains are in back, in a plastic bag
Inside a cardboard box.
I recall a long-gone classmate
Whose exhausted muffler shuffle-off
Was announced on a post-it note in her garage.
I collect my receipt and claim my prize.
The box is in a shiny bag with handles.
I am a happy holiday shopper
Rushing home with my treasures
-- the Great Eternal Shopping Mall
Me and my "cremains."
Maybe tonight we'll fix "Dead-a-Roni,"
That cemetery treat
The perfect reward
After a busy day
At the cadaver boutique.
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Mike Wiegand is a semiprofessional breeder of free-range slotted spatulas, and is world-renowned for his showmanship at major kitchen utensil competitions. A longtime practitioner of creative flatulence, he has pioneered numerous advanced techniques in anal ventriloquism relying only on household pets and ordinary inanimate objects. Mike’s interests include gravel, whistling while he works, and the chronosynclastic infundibula. Mike also enjoys the distinction of being the only living poet with two left hands. |
