“Welfare Diet,” “Front Man,” and “Available”
By Li Min Hua

Welfare Diet

The rich taste good with pepper and salt.
Don't waste thyme, rosemary, or sage;
cayenne's enough.  It's not their fault
they're bland or fat.  It's the age.

Stay their hearts with Louis Vuitton
strips; baste them with buttered blood.
Roast and serve.  Soften in brine
their necks, then boil.  Next flood

with garlic these briskets.  Press
cloves with salvaged dentures.
Kabob their balls with mushrooms.
Eschew more exotic adventures.

The rich taste good with pepper and salt.
Don't waste thyme, rosemary, or sage;
cayenne's enough.  It's not their fault
they're bland or fat.  It's the age.

Front Man

Plaaaaaaaaas
tic
cups,
sturdy reeeeeeeeeeeed
plaaaaaaaaas
tic cups.

Get your sturdy red plaaaaaaaaas
tic cup
riiiiiiiight
here,
owwnly wuuuuuun
fiiiiiiiiifty.

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tic cups,
step right up
and get yooooore
sturdy red plaaaaaaaaas
tic cups,
with a diiiiiime
thrown iiiin
for good meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ure.

Plaaaaaaaaas
tic cups!

Biiiiiiiiig wuns,
reeeeeeglar wuns,
smaaaaaaall wuns,
get yooooore
sturdy red plaaaaaaaas
tic cup
right here,
owwnly wuuuuuun
fiiiiiiiiifty.

Dooooooooon't
be cauwwwwght
withouwwwwwwt
wuuuuuun.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaat
tle it,
raaaaaaaaaaaaat
tle it,
let them
heeeeeeeeeear
sooooooomewuuuuuun
ellllllllse
has giiiiiiiven.
Shaaaaaaaaaaaaake
that dime,
shaaaaaaaaaaaaake
that dime,
when you siiiiiiiiiiit
in the cooooooooold.
Plaaaaaaaaas
tic
cups.
Sturdy
reeeeeeeeeeeed
plaaaaaaaaas
tic cups.
Get yoooooore
sturdy red
plaaaaaaaaas
tic cup
riiiiiiiight
here,
owwnly wuuuuuun
fiiiiiiiiifty.
Wiiiiiinter
is
cooooooooooming.
Doooooon't
be
cauuuuuuuuuuuuuught
without ooooooooooone.
Maaaaaaake it
reeeeeeeeeeed.
Maaaaaaake it
reeeeeeeeeeed,
sooooow that theeeeeeeeeey
will seeeeeeeeeeee
it.

Plaaaaaaaaas
tic
cups.
Stuuuuuuurdy
reeeeeeeeeed
plaaaaaaaaas
tic cups.
get yooooore
sturdy red
plaaaaaaaaas
tic cup
riiiiiiiight
here,
only wuuuuuun
fifty.

Available

Worn-out manger, speckled slightly with sheep
dip, stuck with bits of straw and prickly
angel hair. Smells a tad like joss sticks.
Unsuitable for fashionable creche.
Authentic.
Contact Joseph, 1-800- 243-2836.  Telex:
EFRATA.  Email: Carpenter@INN.il. MasterCharge,
American Express, and Visa not accepted.