Arse Kissing 101 

Comic and Sweatshirt Design by Steven Paro Jr.

Text by Luigi Fairbanks

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Luigi Fairbanks: Hello Eileen

Eileen: Hello Luigi

Luigi: Tell me Eileen, is it true you called this interview in order to publicly defame this sweatshirt as it is a blatant disregard of your talents?

Eileen: No.

Luigi: Then you hold no jealousy towards the fact that the sweatshirt is clearly a love letter to your Editor-in-Chief, Andrew the Magnificent.

Eileen: I wanted that free pizza you were offering. *shrugs* I'll talk about the comic though.

Luigi: And how that is also a blatant disregard of your talents?

Eileen: I just wanted to clarify that my beloved homeland, Planet Eileen, land of the free is a peace loving planet. We don't—nor would we ever—condone futuristic laser battles between warring alien empires. Instead, we spend much of our time mocking others and braiding the long luxurious locks of our beloved ponies while—

Luigi: So you hate Amber.

Eileen: I don't hate anyone!

Luigi: So you love Andrew.

Eileen: *sputters* What?!

Luigi: *leans forward, intent with his newly discovered spotlight* Admit it! You can't deny the power of the Kaye!

Eileen: *leans forward as well* Don't make me stuff you some place where the sun don't shine.

Luigi: Perhaps in that closet of yours, filled to the brim with AK sweatshirts and other Andrew memorabilia products?

Eileen: *stands up and pulls off microphone* This interview is over! I should never had believed you were offering free pizza! *looks around* Especially in a dumpster.

Luigi: It's not a dumpster! It's my spacious office with a skyline view!

Eileen: *throws a discarded egg carton at Luigi as she hefts herself out of his Waste Management bin.*

Luigi: Damn. I am SO going to piss in her coffee tomorrow morning.

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Steven says: “I decided to let my girlfriend speak out my bio and here’s what she had to say: ‘He has the best girlfriend in the whole world! I am a fish. OK stop typing! Nooo... it’s like being in frickin’ court where they write everything you say! Nooo stoppit grrr! Steven stop writing what I say? OK, stop... now what are you typing? :ahem: No, what are you typing? Answer meee Steeeve. That’s not very nice. OK, you’re done…! OK this is something very personal now so stop typing. Are you done? OK, well I wanted to know if you like how...’” We have absolutely no idea what that was about.

Luigi Fairbanks has yet to beat the last level of Super Mario Bros. He also hates interviewing Eileen with a passion.