You will absolutely need a first-aid kit. In your soft life you are not used to wounds. Gauze and tape will be critical. As will a steel knife for cauterization purposes. Believe it: you do not want to bleed out.

In today’s episode we’re paying tribute to one Greta Greene, a nanny who did her best. She always checked on the children without a phone call reminder, never allowed her friends to have sex in the house while working, and brought healthy snacks for her charges. Nonetheless, Greta is dead.

I just came in to buy Nyquil. The good kind. The knock-you-on-your-ass kind they lock up because you can cook meth with it. The kind that costs ten bucks a bottle. The taste of social uprising I found in aisle six was free.

I let my mind wander, and it traveled to a distant parking lot with thousands of parked cars, one of which was mine.  But which one? My car was silver, but there were literally hundreds of silver cars.

Every member of this chatroom knows I write extremely graphic (but tasteful) Lord of the Rings erotic fan fiction. What most of you do not know is that, in case my apartment building burns down, I always carry a USB with my life’s work saved on it. And … yesterday … yesterday I lost the USB at a Baskin-Robbins.