Posts Tagged ‘ XII.I ’

Defenestration: April 2015

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

Welcome, welcome, to the April 2015 issue of Defenestration, marking our 12th volume in this ridiculously long-running magazine of ridiculousness!

I’m not going to write a particularly long editorial this month because my computer is on its deathbed and doesn’t like to run for more than 20 minutes at a time before freezing up or crashing. You can’t trust technology, but you also can’t live without it. Or you at least can’t convince yourself that you can’t live without it. There’s a powerful message hidden in there, but I’m too lazy to find it. I’ll just be content with rushing through this editorial before the computer explodes. Can I write two more paragraphs? Read on and find out!

“The Dark Avenger,” by Chris D’Silva

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

This city disgusts me. I crouch up here on the corner of a building, looking down at these streets below me and all I can think about is the cesspool that this town has become. I can only imagine the community swimming in cess, with a cess lifeguard yelling at the cess kids to stop running, lest they slip on cess, just replace the community with murder, the life guard with corruption, and the kids with robbery or something. That’s what I see in this town.

“Chad Faustus Interviews Lucifer for the Community Manager Position,” by Daniel North Spooner

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

Chad Faustus: Hey there! Thanks for coming in! Would you like any water or coffee or anything? Free trade organic! Our barista will make it any way you wish!

Lucifer: Teas richer than those of the ancient Five Emperors can fill your cup for all your days, and I can do greater things than these…

“A Living Fart from the Butt of a Lesser God,” by Eirik Gumeny

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

Bartholomew Xander Wohlblätter III threw open the door to Indiana Scones and the Raiders of the Lost Latte with significantly more effort than was required. The little bell that hung from the entryway rang madly from the effort, like there was a tiny hunchback sitting on top of the door and just going absolutely nuts on it. Everyone in the coffee shop turned to watch the visibly frustrated man enter.

“Cheese in Space,” by Robin Wyatt Dunn

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

Cheese in space! It is Gruyere and it is brave!

“We’ve got a lock on the little devil. Get him.” Cheese has enemies. Cut from a mighty wheel, flung at relativistic speeds outward into the dark to defend its own, cheese is brave, and cheese is lonely.

Cheese in space! It is alive! It will survive!

“The Doctor, the Lawyer, the Indian Chef,” by Linda Lowe

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

After giving birth to triplets, their exhausted mother lay down on the couch and fell into a deep sleep. Thus the triplets were left to their own devices.

When it was time to go to school, the Doctor went dressed in a long white coat, with the collar of his crisp white dress shirt and knot of his blue silk tie peeking out the top. He wore jeans instead of slacks because he was still in possession of a little boy’s body, a stocky one at that.

“Childhood,” by Jeremiah Budin

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

As kids, we were always getting in trouble—fights with other neighborhood kids and bad report cards and petty arson, and for the most part Mom took it in stride. But there were times when we pushed her too far, and that was when our middle names would come out. “Alexander Lawrence Hidecress,” she’d say, and my back would stiffen reflexively, sweat beading on my face.

Two Poems by Nancy A. Henry

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

It’s true that I have started avoiding you.
What did you expect?

Two Poems by Michael Estabrook

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

Reaching out from under
my brother’s bed grabbing
his leg and screaming

“I Am Not A People Person,” by Nancy Gauquier

Apr 20th, 2015 | By

Don’t get me wrong, I like people
once in a while and in moderation,
I like people who are high
in energy and low in calories,
but never more than one or two at a time,
because I am way too easily influenced.