VI.XI
Defenestration: September 2009
Welcome to the September 2009 (holy crap, September already?) issue of Defenestration! Big plans in the works. Big plans. The giant gears of change are turning, and things are happening. After our December issue this year… well, I’ll wait until later to fill you in. It’s going to be great, and I’m really excited, and [...]
Two Poems by Paul Hellweg
It’s A Lifestyle A dear friend was missing two Netflix movies, she looked everywhere on the computer table the television stand bookshelves cutting table, sorted through stacks of books magazines papers fabric, finally gave up in despair, wondering what the replacement cost would be, she told me all about it at lunch, later that day [...]
“I Went to Psychotherapy and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt,” by Joelle Renstrom
I go to therapy wearing my green and white military tank top that says: “my bush would make a better president.” My therapist sits in a modest desk chair and I slide into a black leather recliner. It’s a nouveau version of the therapy couch. Sweat gathers behind my knees, itching and sticking against the [...]
“SNAFU,” by Matt Kolbet
Announcing the formation of the Society for the Naming of All Future Un-named (SNAFU). Even though psychologists recognize the importance of a name on self-esteem and social expectations, the last several decades have seen more and more children named with apparent indifference to the world’s perceptions and the potential psychological damage to the bearer of [...]
“Litigation Nation,” by Nick Allen
“What have we got this week Jarvis, anything out of the ordinary?” “A couple of cases of interest, but we are staring the week with ‘A Paper Cut’, Sir.” “A paper cut? Surely there are guidance leaflets available for the use of books, you know “Care must be taken blar blar blar…” “Ah, yes, all [...]
“Dear President of the Mark Twain Historical Society,” by Omar B.
Dear President of the Mark Twain Historical Society: I am in receipt of the letter in which you request (and not very politely!) that I cease blogging under the pen name ‘Marc Twainy’. You state that my use of this nom de plume “tarnishes the legacy of Mr. Mark Twain, an American icon”. It is [...]
“South Face Commercial,” by Jimmy Kahler
Two guys are standing outside next to a bus stop, rubbing their hands together while they freeze in the cold with one another.) Guy 1: Man, it is freezing outside. I can barely feel my hands. Guy 2: Yeah dude, it’s cold as dick out here. (A voice appears out of nowhere. The guys hear [...]
“The Not-so-famous Five and the Mystery of Tinkle Cottage,” Louise Thomson
‘Wait please!’ puffed Bertie, ‘Please wait chaps!’ ‘Come on Berthilda, cycle just a little faster. If we don’t hurry we shall be caught in the rain.’ ‘Don’t call, puff….me…puff, Berthilda!’ ‘Poor old Bertie’, said Susan, ‘Can’t we rest a little? We could have the excellent picnic cook prepared us. Look Victor,’ she said pointing to [...]
“eBay,” by Matt Hall
————- Matt, in a nutshell: Born January 18 1990. Born and raised in Scarburough Ontario until I was 5 I’ve spent the last few years in the middle of nowhere making my own way. Drawing’s a hobby my true calling is to work for a major video game producer like Ubisoft or Bungie. Or maybe [...]
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