At the tender age of six, Mother introduced me to her Poltergeist. I was confused when she described it as a dark energy, but then she said, “Think of it as an au pair!” and I understood that an invisible French caretaker (who probably wore a beret) had joined our little family.

2023 was the fortieth anniversary of my roles in the Bob and Doug McKenzie movie Strange Brew. These were two of the most difficult roles in motion picture history. It’s time the real story was told.

You may know me from the 1988 Japanese animated fantasy film of which I was the title star, but what you don’t know is what came after my rise to fame. It’s not easy being a beloved hero of a cult classic children’s movie. While you look at that movie and see a cute and fluffy forest spirit, I see someone who was struggling deeply inside.

Heading into the course, I had expectations regarding how the next ten days would unfold, which was exactly what the website said not to do. A part of me envisioned robed figures wandering about barefoot with unkempt beards and various bracelets spanning the length of their forearms. Thus, I was surprised by how normal everyone looked. Most were dressed in loose-fitting tees with flowy bottoms cinched above the ankles with rubber bands creating makeshift capris. Being eighteen at the time placed me in the lower age bracket with fellow meditators being well into their forties and fifties. I struck up small talk with several only to realize they, too, had never attempted something as physically/mentally demanding. And I breathed a sigh of relief knowing we were just a group of folks trying to better ourselves at whatever capacity we could.

My debut novel has been out for six months and it’s clear from its lack of social media buzz and list-making that it’s complete garbage. Since its release, I have felt nothing but shame and regret. Though I can’t unpublish the book—right?—I would like to take a moment to blame everyone who has encouraged and supported me along the way.