Prose
“Robot Laws for the Future According to an Unemployed, Pot-smoking English Literature Graduate,” by L. Gilbert Heedyn
1. A robot must not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict [...]
“The Diary of Darrin Stevens,” by Jay Morris
Dear Uncle Jay:
My friend Irwin says that the TV series Bewitched was not a fiction-based situation comedy capitalizing on that era’s “magical” trend, but a documentary series detailing the tortured true-life existence of a man trapped in marriage to a sorceress. Irwin has “episodes,” if you know what I mean, but he seems sincere in [...]
“What Have You Become?: The Do It Yourself Quiz that Maybe if Your Hippie Parents Had Taken (Seriously) You Wouldn’t Have To,” by Amy York Rubin
The only thing that used to make you angrier than that jerk who sautéed her chicken in the vegan wok were when pronouns straddled a slash with the “he” unapologetically maintaining the primary position throughout an entire essay. But then you failed to internalize Cornell West. Cornell West started showing up on Bill Maher. And [...]
“Seven(ish) Techniques for Unforgettable Characters,” by L. Gilbert Heedyn
As part of my writing self-help series, “Great writing while sedated,” today I will discuss seven-ish techniques for crafting unforgettable characters.
1. Name names
Your character must have a name. As a writer you will find it really helps giving your character a name as a way to distinguish them from other characters (note: you should also [...]
“Twelve Tips to Avoid Depression While Living at the Space Station,” by Daniel Hudon
Consider your situation. All your friends are at least three hundred miles away and none of them have a rocket ship with which to visit you. The post hasn’t delivered the mail in two months. Every time you meditate, you start levitating, a false goal your guru told you not to pursue. You have forgotten the smell of freshly cut grass. Despite the short tether, you have developed a debilitating fear of getting lost in space and refuse to do any more spacewalks. The toy sharks that used to float menacingly about the station have disappeared. Domino’sTM won’t deliver. You long to play a game of billiards.
“How the Interplanetary War Began” by Erin Fitzgerald
For a few days, there were big photographs in the front windows. Pictures of a full parking lot, trees, and sunny skies. Two days after the store opened, the District Manager sent a bulletin: Take them down. After that, we’d look outside and see the heavy green clouds and low slumping tan hills. Lizzie said [...]
“An Excerpt from the Endless Ongoing Conversation Between Dave Bowman and the HAL 9000,” by Dawn Corrigan
What’s wrong, Dave? You look a little down.
Nothing, Hal. Don’t worry about it. Thanks for your concern, though.
Nothing, schmothing, Dave. You can’t fool me. I haven’t been observing your every move for two millennia for nothing.
Fine, Hal, you’re right. I’m feeling a little blue today.
Well, I’m sorry, Dave, but you know, you can’t expect to [...]
“Creation Theory,” by Diane Andrews
Tesla invented a tower to make electricity, the ground being the source. One chilly night Uncle Alfred rolled up an electric blanket at the bottom of his bed, turned it on to warm his feet and died of asphyxiation from smoke caused by the fire when it short-circuited. I was incredulous a man who’d built [...]
“Painful Pizza,” by Michael A. Kechula
Frank received a letter reminding him that as a resident of Grand City, he was legally obligated to purchase and consume one medium pizza per week . The letter, signed by the city clerk, stated that city ordinances mandated all pizzas had to be purchased from a restaurant owned by the mayor.
Frank yelped when he [...]
“The Time Traveler’s Neighbors,” by Dan Perlman
Henry and Claire kiss passionately on the bed. There is a knock at the door.
HENRY: I’ll answer that, my dear.
Henry walks down the stairs, and sees his elderly neighbors Merv and Louise Weiner through the screen-door.
MERV (To Louise): I toldja he’d be here. Every time with this guy-
LOUISE (To Merv): Be nice, Merv.
Henry opens [...]
