prose V.XI
“A Letter Responding to Complaints About TiVo Suggestions”, by John Frank Weaver
Dear Mr. Markham,
Thank you for writing to TiVo, Inc. We are always delighted to hear from our subscribers, particularly when they offer us an opportunity to address concerns and improve TiVo service. Certainly, your letter qualifies. In it, you state that your TiVo is programmed to automatically record three programs every week: 24, WWE Raw, [...]
“Biting The Bullet”, by Remington Waters
Get up and go. Now? Yes now. Put on some pants and fly out that door. DO NOT under any circumstance stop to talk to Mrs. Butters. She is a modern day vampire. Those dentures are not for show. They are spring-loaded for ease of biting. When she opens her mouth, she feeds off the [...]
“Dear Eric”, by Sean Raune
Dear Eric,
Frank Sinatra wants to take your ape to the picture show because he has some extra money and he is inclined to do so. Allow him to do this. He will comport himself in a manner befitting the most respectful courtier. He takes a casual approach to apes; maybe a bite to eat at [...]
“Taking Sexy Back: Fashion Tips For Crime Fighters from the Law and Order SVU Team”, by Kelly Ferguson
We admit fighting crime is a tough job. Everyday some Park Avenue housewife strangles her plumber with a cock ring. You’re tired, you say, and your focus is on solving cases, not Seventh Avenue. Your dedication is to be admired — but that doesn’t excuse the polyester suit with dried mayo on the lapel.
Sorry [...]
