Defenestration

“An outraged diner emails the In-Vitro Café,” by Mark A. Rayner

My wife and I managed to get a table at the grand opening of your establishment last night, and we regret our effort.

We are both conscientious eaters, so the idea of dining on in-vitro meat that was grown in a lab appealed to us. We believe that no creature should be slaughtered for our own pleasure, so we have not eaten meat for years. In short, we were thrilled to hear about your new enterprise and we wanted to support it. Even the high price tag, and “mysterious” nature of your menu could not put us off.

“Rebranding Thor,” by Mark A. Rayner

“We’re thrilled to have your account, but I’m afraid your numbers are down since our initial chat.”

“You’re kiddin’ me.”

“I’m afraid not, and I don’t want to sugar-coat it,” the lead consultant said. “We always get our best results when we start with an honest appraisal of the landscape.” She switched the projector on, and started her presentation: “according to our research, belief in you is down to less than a fraction of one percent.”