Members of the Faith Inspired Cloning Group, (FICG) have long been vexed by the persistent popular belief that Lincoln and Darwin were humanists. FICG leadership is confident that young Lincoln and Darwin clones raised in a sequestered faith-based community will climb to even greater heights than the originals and repudiate their irreligious views. To wit, Lincoln was likely a deist and the adult Darwin gave up Christianity. But for all the care and research FICG has thus far expended on its corrective cloning project, the teenaged versions of Lincoln and Darwin disappoint.