Defenestration

“The Case for Self-Pity,” by Jon Alan Carroll

Once, you dedicated your life to Love and Art. Lately, you’ve downsized it to Sex and Craft.

Think about the time those callous sophisticates at Wheat rejected the finest poems from your Stoned Surrealism period, including the immortal “Cabbage of Desire” and “10 Fingers of Hand.” When you’re done with that, dwell on the fact that being morose is not a salable skill.

“In Praise of Zombies,” by Jon Alan Carroll

Zombies never sigh. Or roll their eyes. Zombies are never hurt by a rejection from Ploughshares. Not even the third one. Unlike certain right-wing commentators, zombies do not deeply admire their own courage. Zombies never direct movies about beautiful young people learning important lessons about life and love. Zombies are not, as Neal Cassady would [...]

“Astrology for the Bitter”, by Jon Alan Carroll

Aries (March 21-April 19): The manuscript you toiled over for five grueling years is now being returned by a bored receptionist. Give up. Taurus (April 20-May 20): You’re having these dark thoughts and this tightness in your gut. To save money, you’ve cut down on little luxuries like cable TV and feelings of self-worth. Gemini [...]