Posts Tagged ‘ chris eatman ’

King Toadstool: Portrait of a Tyrant

Feb 5th, 2017 | By

Koopa Kingdom isn’t an aggressive nation who wishes to destabilize the status quo because “that’s what bad guys do.” In fact, they’re a fledgling resistance, seeking to free all citizens of the world from under the iron fist of King Toadstool.



Can’t Spell “Summer” Without “Hatred”

Jul 27th, 2016 | By

After a bitter cold Winter, and inexplicably dry Spring, Summer has made its return to the Mid-Atlantic region, otherwise known as America’s sweaty armpit.



Scuttling the S.S. Friendship

May 3rd, 2016 | By

There’s going to come a point where you may need to cut someone from your life. Unless of course you’re keeping someone around as a walking container of compatible organs.



Tis-the-Season-for-Maiming

Dec 14th, 2015 | By

The holidays are like communism. It’s a great idea on paper, then people get introduced to the system, and then everything goes to shit.



Sloth and Gluttony are My Homeboys

Oct 1st, 2015 | By

Let’s be honest with ourselves, life is really only worth living between the ages of six and sixty, after that we’re in bonus levels.



…and an Inch to Grow On

May 21st, 2015 | By

For our entire lives, birthdays have been dedicated to our own happiness and fulfillment. We’re being celebrated for an act we had no part in and are rewarded for simply falling out of a vagina.



If Only Life Were Written By Ricky Gervais

Feb 23rd, 2015 | By

It appears that no matter how old we get, and what road of life we’ve decided to travel, a lot of people can’t shake off the shitty personalities they exhibited in high school. The only difference between then and now: getting into fisticuffs results in getting fired rather than a few days suspension. Oh, and lawsuits.



Mute’s Got It Made…

Nov 17th, 2014 | By

Being around people is exhausting. Not from the traditional introverted POV of “straining to think of ways to be friendly” but more of “I’m trying really hard to not tell you to ‘fuck off’ as that’s not appropriate for work/school/church.”



Now is the Summer of My Discontent

Jun 23rd, 2014 | By

Here in the Washington DC area we had a fairly harsh winter: bone-chilling temperatures, harsh winds, and a couple feet of snow. Folks started to get cabin fever and began wishing for warmer weather to return. They wanted to lounge by some body of water, followed by a cookout with family and friends and ending

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The Only Way to Win is Not to Play

Mar 18th, 2014 | By

Having reached a stage in my life where all my friends, acquaintances and well-wishers are all on the verge of, if not already, starting their families, and by proxy their adult lives, there’s a lot of pressure to live up to the expectations of, well, everybody. Sure, some people are all about the nuclear family unit with the 2.5 kids, golden retriever, goldfish, and a decaying elderly relative confined to a rickety rocking chair in the den, and I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about the very same (sans the goldfish), but is it worth it?