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Literary Illusions

By Victor Schwartzman

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An author, labouring under the delusion that he knew how others would read and understand what he was creating, decided one day to ask the delusion to leave, given he believed that he was not deluded to begin with.

"Certainly not," it replied.  "I've been here many years, I know what I have, unlike you, and I'm quite comfortable."

Worried, the author enrolled in Universities and after being awarded Degrees asked if he had not Education enough to rid himself of his delusion.

Responded the delusion, "Thanks for the company!"

Frightened, the author tried Religion. He studied all of the world's great religions until he asked if he had not Religion enough to rid himself of his delusion.

The delusion replied, "We could use an ice machine!"

As a last effort, the author tried what he had avoided the most: Love. He found a woman and allowed himself to become a project and he listened to her and did his share of the housework and then he asked if he had not Love enough to rid himself of his delusion.

There was no response.

The original delusion was too busy with the second round of the bridge tournament.

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Victor says: “I have been writing since I was able to, and at 59 I'm finally sending my stuff out, having recovered from the many literary rejections of my teenaged years (I kept every single one, Freud could tell me why if he'd just get that damned cigar out of his mouth). Frankly, that someone other than myself will have the opportunity to read my stuff is both amazing and a little embarrassing. Normal bio stuff would add that I am married, have two kids, and work as a Human Rights Officer, but I'm not normal, so why should my bio be, and is a bio bee like a honey bee?”

Readers disturbed enough to like Victor's stuff should check out http://weaklyherald.tripod.com. The site features ten early chapters of a graphic novel about a community newspaper. Readers can download the chapters for free ‘cause no one has said they'll pay for them.