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Pillow Talk
By Ryan Nemeth
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Need some help being creative in bed? Here
are some useful things to say while making love to your lady. Go on, try
them out!
“Oh, honey, burp me like an infant.”
“I puked on your boobs because you’re so
sexy. That’s why I did that.”
“Hmm, this is very similar to cheating on you.”
“Girl, you are so freaking fertile it’s not funny.”
“Plunge me like a toilet, baby.”
“Oh, God, Integrate me like they started to do in the socially radical late
1950s!”
“Do me! Do me like a crossword puzzle made up of dirty words and phrases!”
“I feel like baby food when I’m with you.”
“Harder! Harder! I want to be fossilized!”
“Girl, you look so good that a scary monster clown would hide in your closet
and make clicking noises to scare you at night.”
“I love you like adjectives.”
“Come on, girl, make me earn my title as the Valentine’s Day Strangler!
Err, I mean, oh, baby, you are so safe with me it’s sexy!”
“No, I didn’t say ‘Strangler.’ Here, I’ll demonstrate how bad I
am at strangling you!”
“Oh, God! Even the gene that predetermines my male pattern baldness is
horny!”
“You see this sweat? You must be hot, because this is the same kind of
sweat my skin produces when the temperature outside is high. And when I’m
being interrogated for the Valentine’s Day Strangler slayings.”
“I love you. Haha, just kidding. Put the nipple clamps back on.”
“You have a boring body. Sorry, wrong IM.”
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Ryan Nemeth is proud to be published in Defenestration. One
time, when he was at the ATO house at the University of Cincinnati, he
broke an entire bathroom mirror off a wall. It was really big. It was fun
to break. Fraternities. Contact Ryan at Nemethrp@xavier.edu.
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