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The
Panther
By
Ryan Nemeth
____________________
Donna,
I know you’re upset with me for leaving you, but it’s something I have
to do. Trust me, it’s not you, it’s me. You’re great. You’re
the best girl I ever met. You’re funny, smart, athletic
— just perfect. You’re all I could ever hope for. There is nothing
about you I would change. Absolutely nothing. Ok, maybe one thing. But
it’s not a big deal, really. Here
it goes:
Sometimes, when I have daydreams, you’re in them. We’ll be somewhere,
like the Old West. You know, back in cowboy times. We’re a
crime fighting team. The town loves us. And we’ll be busting up a bank
robbery or something, trying to catch a really sinister crook. Cornelius
Von Dillinger comes to mind (or as the fictional townsfolk in my day dreams
refer to him as, The Panther). He was the most recent one, anyway. He
had just robbed the town bank, and we chased him to Old Otis’Gold Mine. Not
the haunted one, the other one. It’s just south of the Sunshine Acres
Cactus Orchard (right next to Mayor Plinkton’s family cemetery). By
the way, I have enclosed a map of Hamilton
County, the area that my fantasies take place in, with this letter—I
thought that might help. So, we were just about to catch The
Panther—victory was so close I could taste it. I'm the renegade
deputy with a burning passion for justice, and you’re my clever but
absent-minded sidekick. Mostly you’re there to make witty remarks
when we catch bad guys or after we blow-up a railroad with dynamite (to derail
hijacked postal trains). Well, there we were: we almost had that son
of a gun Cornelius hogtied. He was stuck in a dead end in one of the
mine shafts, and all we had to do was block the only two escape routes. I
was on the southern tunnel and you were supposed to be watching the
northern one. But, like always, you got distracted and the infamous
Panther got away and went on to rob every bank within 200 miles of our town.
It’s little things like that that get me really irritated. We could’ve
stopped a legendary Old West bank robber, but you thought making shadow puppets
in the mine shaft was a more pressing matter. Or maybe you just didn’t
care about stopping The Panther. Maybe it didn’t occur to you that the
money he took from the bank was all of my imaginary friends’and families’ fake
life savings. Well, I’m sorry, but it’s exactly that kind of behavior that
makes me realize I could be with someone else. Someone who would be a better
Honorary Deputy in my frequent and extremely intricate daydreams about the
Old West. That is why I’m leaving you. Also, your friend Margaret
told me you peed in my house plants.
John
____________________
Ryan
Nemeth is originally from Cleveland, Ohio. His favorite dog is Gizmo, his
Shih Tzu. Swimming is most likely one of his favorite things to do. He
hopes that his classmates and teachers from IO are all kicking ass. Internet. Contact
Ryan at
Nemethrp@xavier.edu.
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