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An Exhibition of the Instruments of Some Famous
Musicians, Except the Musicians Are Ordinary Workers
By Michael Fowler
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Exhibit 1. A tongue depressor once owned by Dr. Woodie Guthrie, bearing the logo
*This Machine Kills Fascists* in letters of bright red Mercurochrome. It was the
doctor’s belief that, in probing the throats of union workers and communists
with his politicized sticks, he somehow killed fascists. Medical science no
longer supports this grandiose claim, indeed never supported it, and today we
know that Guthrie was a primitive physician who only killed his patients, much
as he loved them. *Donated by the Estate of Dr. Woodie Guthrie.*
Exhibit 2. A plumber’s snake with the words *This Machine Surrounds Hate and
Forces It to Surrender* written along its length in waterproof paint, once used
by plumbing technician Pete Seeger. With these ringing words Seeger paid homage
to his mentor Dr. Woodie Guthrie (see Exhibit 1). There is room on the 50-foot
snake for many more sentiments, but Seeger kept it brief, expressing in a
nutshell his romantic and whimsical sense of how a plumber’s snake functions.
*Donated by Roto-Rooter in Behalf of Pete Seeger.*
Exhibit 3. A yellow forklift truck with two candelabra on opposite ends of its
cab, once operated by warehouse worker Liberace. If that isn’t strange enough,
at quitting time Liberace would ascend from his forklift and go flying up to the
warehouse roof at the end of a guy-wire. What a peculiar if talented man. *A
Gift from the Liberace Foundation.*
Exhibit 4. ‘Lucille,’ the polished, pine lectern once belonging to Professor
BB King of Princeton University. The photo at left shows Dr. King at his
retirement ceremony in 2000, giving a loving pat to the sturdy wooden platform
that served him for over forty years of lecturing. On the opposite wall a framed
printed document recounts the now famous story of how King, a new PhD hired by
Princeton University in 1962 as a lecturer on political science and economics,
came to name his lectern after the unforgettable woman in his life. Read it over
if you’ve forgotten. *Donated by Princeton University in Honor of Professor BB
King.*
Exhibit 5. ‘Blackie’, a dental drill once owned by Eric Clapton, DDS, who
built the drill to his own specifications from spare parts. Clapton employed an
especially powerful motor and a black handpiece in his design, and his
oft-quoted claim that ‘Blackie has woman-tone’ refers to the
moan-like sound of the machine in operation. It was largely on account of
Blackie and the powerful anesthetic Dr. Clapton used that his patients called
him God. *Donated by Eric Clapton, DDS.*
Exhibit 6. The meat slicer once used by deli worker Stevie Ray Vaughn with
‘SRV’ stenciled on the side. Before Vaughn’s death in 1999, he thrilled
customers at Sal’s Uptown Deli in San Antonio, Texas with his rhythmic,
hard-edged meat slicing on a classic, pre-CBS Chef’s Choice meat slicer.
Vaughn owed a good deal of his stylings on the slicer to his former employer,
Mississippi deli-man Muddy Waters, highly regarded in the 40s and 50s by black
sandwich lovers throughout the South (exhibit forthcoming). Beginning in the
early 60s, Vaughn popularized Waters’s seminal work at whites-only diners in
Texas. *Donated by Sal’s Uptown Deli in Remembrance of Stevie Ray Vaughn.*
Exhibit 7. A plastic phallus once used by sex ed instructor Jerry Garcia in his
health classes to demonstrate the proper application of a condom. A sculptress
called ‘Mountain Woman’ in 1968 cast this impressive model from Garcia’s
own form. Known for endless touring on behalf of safe sex and birth control,
Garcia died in 1995 following a series of dusk-to-dawn sex seminars held
outdoors in several states. After Garcia’s death, a phallic mold cast from
fellow sex ed instructor Jimmy Page became all the rage, especially among white
teens. *Donated by the Safe Sex Coalition of America in Tribute to Jerry
Garcia.*
Exhibit 8. A rickshaw once used by cabbie George Harrison of Liverpool, England.
In the mid-60s, Harrison became one of the first cab drivers in England to be
influenced by Eastern hacks, in particular the Indian Ravi Shankar. In addition
to transporting his Liverpool fares by automobile, Harrison began pulling them
in an Indian rickshaw of the type used by Shankar, thus starting a trend in the
West toward more spiritual transportation. This particular conveyance was used
by Harrison in his self-publicized *Fare for Bangladesh,* amounting to four
pounds sterling plus tip, which he donated in aid to the people of that
impoverished land. In 2001 Harrison died of a curry overdose after eating at an
Indian buffet. *Donated by the Liverpool Cab Company in Appreciation of George
Harrison.*
Exhibit 9. A charred, psychedelically painted floor-waxing machine once used by
school janitor James Marshall ‘Jimi’ Hendrix. According to legend, Hendrix,
who was unemployed when hired by the Monterey County Board of Education, got the
job after responding ‘Yes’ to the question ‘Are you experienced?’ He was
fired only a year later after igniting the specially decorated machine at
Monterey High School in a strange after-hours voodoo rite involving his fellow
janitors and some dazed students. *Donated by the Monterey County Board of
Education in Memory of James Marshall ‘Jimi’ Hendrix.*
Exhibit 10. A fractured 10-foot telescope used by former astronomer Pete
Townsend. Townsend would ‘windmill’ the telescope, spinning it in random
circles under the night sky while he leapt in the air, and then smash the
instrument against the floor together with photographic plates and
spectrometers. This bizarre technique gave Townsend a reputation for style, but
resulted in unusable data and high equipment costs. Banned from most
observatories since the 1970s, Townsend turned hair stylist and began
‘windmilling’ a pair of shears at Great Clips, with predictable results. *Donated
by the Mt. Wilson Observatory for Pete Townsend.*
Exhibit 11. A hammer belonging to Peter, Paul and Mary, a home remodeling team
since1962. Strangely enough, the trio used to sing a song to help the workday
along, called *If I Had a Hammer.* Well, they had one, and this is it. Note the
extreme wear from hammering in the morning and in the evening all over this
land. Unfortunately the companion piece to the hammer, a bell that the trio rang
to symbolize danger, warning, and the love between their brothers and their
sisters, was stolen in1965 from a duplex the trio was refurbishing and was never
recovered. *Donated by the Peter, Paul and Mary Remodeling Company.*
The End
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Mike Fowler is a great guy. Please buy the new
projects from Boom! For Real and Sweet
Fancy Moses. See websites for details.
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