Four Possible Personal Ads

By Jose Tungol

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Since I know I'll be in New York soon, I realized that I don't know too many people there, especially the female variety. So I decided to join an online dating service and I've come up with four possible ads. I think they all have their strengths and weaknesses, so I'm still debating on which one to use.

#1 NON-COMMITTED GUY SEEKING NON-COMMITTED GIRL FOR NON-COMMITAL SEX.

I like this one because it cuts directly to the point, however I should be open to a "relationship" shouldn't I? That's why I came up with number two.

#2 AVERAGE GUY SEEKING AVERAGE GIRL FOR AVERAGE SEX. RELATIONSHIP OPTIONAL.

See again, I'm cutting to the point, yet I've opened up the possibility for a relationship, which I know all women essentially want. But the problem with this one is that it's bland. I mean, who wants average? Right? So here's number three.

#3 GREAT GUY FROM GREAT LAKES SEEKS GREAT GIRL FOR GREAT SEX.  RELATIONSHIP OPTIONAL.

I like how I spiced it up with the word "great," yet I feel it is, shall we say, shallow. I don't want to be shallow. There are more important things, right?  I should look for what's on the inside rather than the outside, like her faith. And as the good Catholic boy that I am, I should seek out a good Catholic girl.

#4 CATHOLIC GUY SEEKS CATHOLIC GIRL FOR NON-CATHOLIC SEX. RELATIONSHIP OPTIONAL.

I think this one holds resonance, but it also limits my options to Catholic girls doesn't it? I mean, I should be open to protestant girls, and Jewish girls and Hindu girls as well right? I can't let a girl's faith stand between me and a good night of DNA exchange.  

So there's my quandary.  I can't determine which ad to use. The Internet is a great place to bust a nut, but without the right ad, I might be busting a nut solo.

Jose Tungol was raised in Ann Arbor Michigan. He is a graduate from the University of Michigan with a degree in Fine Arts. In his spare time he likes to read, watch movies and play violent video games. He has a cat named Nisse. He thinks the greatest invention in history is the sandwich. He currently lives in New York City.