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Prozac and Bee stings.
By J.M. Becker
____________________
Every day when Darby takes his Prozac, a bumblebee flies out of nowhere and
stings his right eyebrow.
When Darby’s doctor asked,
"Darby is there really a bee? Or are you afraid to be happy?"
Darby stretched his right eyebrow down so the little red bumps were more
visible. The doctor scribbled a few lines on his legal pad with an “I
see..."
Darby turned to his wife for support,
"Man, I am really depressed."
“Then take your Prozac.”
“But the bee!”
“A bee can only sting once, then he dies.”
“Not this bee. He’s fucking magic! And he loves to sting me!”
***
(In the secret Beehive behind Darby’s medicine cabinet)
“I totally stung Darby today!”
“Yeah, you fucked him up! He was crying and then he called you a fuckhead!”
“I can’t wait for tomorrow! I am going to sting him so hard in the exact
same place! Now, pass the honey and play that tune!”
The bee’s reclined in their black bee-size leather reclining chairs, sipped
their honey, and bobbed their tiny heads to Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov’s
“Flight of the Bumblebee.”
***
Darby called an exterminator. The exterminator was an old fat Italian with
garlic breath.
“Now you say it’s a bumblebee?”
“Yeah, it’s huge!”
“Bumblebees only live outside.”
“I swear the same one flies out everyday and stings my eyebrow.” Darby
stretched his eyebrow down so the little red bumps were more visible.
“I don’t see any beehives in here.”
In a small crack in the mirror the Bees watched Darby talk to the Exterminator.
They all chanted in unison,
“Darby is a pussy! Darby is a pussy! Darby is a pussy!”
***
(Back in the Beehive)
“Operation Sting Darby” was in full force. Darby’s picture was shown to
the entire hive; the Bees would make loud noises with their tiny transparent
wings and yell out their undying hatred of all things Darby.
“Sting HIM!”
“Kill Him!”
“Kill Goldstein, I mean Darby! Kill Darby!”
Then the President of the beehive gave a seven-minute speech about the evilness
of Darby and God given freedoms of each and every bee. After the President’s
speech, the General of the beehive presented a colorful PowerPoint presentation
about the stockpiles of weapons that Darby kept in the medicine cabinet.
“Darby must be stung. We must protect our way of life!”
All the bees cheered. Two bees fainted. One Bee was so excited he choked on his
honey and CPR was administrated. The Bee survived. And with his first breath, he
claimed Agents of Darby had slipped a choking drug in to his honey. A riot
nearly broke out.
***
Back on the other side of the mirror Darby looked in to his reflection.
“Is there really a bee? Or am I really too afraid to be happy?”
Darby was about to pour the bottle of Prozac down the toilet, when “Operation
Sting Darby Twice as Hard and More Times” was given the green light.
____________________
J.M. Becker is from New York. Currently, he
lives in Maryland. He likes books, movies, and pretty women. You can reach
him at jmbecker2@gmail.com.
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