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The Mystery of Michael Landon and the Destiny
of Jon.
By J.M. Becker
____________________
Jon never liked being a man, so when he heard
of a Shaman who could perform a sex change by only using herbs and spices, Jon
stuffed a change of clothing in to his pack and headed for Budapest.
It was a long journey, filled with sunrises and sunsets. Jon rode patiently on
the bus seat looking through a 19th century American West clothing catalogue. He
particularly liked the long dresses and the sunbonnets. Things were sexier back
then, he sighed. From his wallet he pulled a small picture of Laura Ingalls
running through tall grass. He had pasted a picture of his face over Laura’s
so now it was Jon running through the tall grass. Jon giggled and put the
picture back in to his wallet. Then, he lay his head against the glass and fell
asleep. He dreamed of moving to the American West and marrying a man who looked
like Michael Landon.
The bus pulled into the Budapest Bus Depot as he awoke. Jon collected his things
and rushed off to the Shaman, located above a Men’s footwear store a few
blocks away. Jon sprinted the distance.
“He move to Northern Africa. Big sex changing business there. He follow the
money.” a shoe salesman told Jon.
Jon’s heart sank. He was set on becoming a woman. It was the number one thing
on his daily to-do list. Tears came to his eyes. Filled with anguish, Jon
compulsively purchased a pair of bright pink New Balance running shoes.
“Pink laces please.”
“For the lady you love?” the salesmen asked.
“Yes, she’s trapped inside.” Jon paid for the shoes and walked back to the
depot.
At the bus depot, Jon was filled with a new energy. He looked at the small piece
of paper the salesman gave him with the Shaman’s new address: “Tunisia- near
Tunis-above Italian/American Restaurant.” Jon bought a ticket to Africa and
boarded the bus. More sunsets and sunrises, more thoughts of Michael Landon and
sundresses, and a week later Jon was in Northern Africa.
Again, Jon sprinted off to the Shaman. And after a large bowl of fettuccine
alfredo w/ chicken, his last meal as a man, Jon walked upstairs to find his
destiny. The Shaman charged fifty Euros for a substance that smelled liked
saffron and rhubarb mixed together. The Shaman gave simple instructions in
broken English, “You rub down there. Then a women.” Jon walked into the
bathroom. There was a tingling sensation. He looked in to the mirror and saw
Laura Ingalls. "Here I come, Michael Landon, here I come," he
whispered. “You want femininity training? My wife, she teach you... be good
woman,” the Shaman yelled through the door.
”No thank you. I already know the basics,” Jon yelled back.
The Shaman told Jon it would take three to four days for the procedure to be
complete. Jon could already feel the change.
Walking down a rural road, breathing in the salty sea air, Jon saw a field with
tall flowing grass. He thought of Little House on the Prairie and the opening
scenes, when Laura skips down the hill laughing. He opened his pack and pulled
out a long sundress and a bonnet. He put the dress on over his clothes and tied
the bonnet tight and skipped over to the field. He skipped for hours up and down
the field, laughing and singing.
Little did Jon know a pride of lions stalked his every skip. And before Jon
finished saying, “Michael Landon, I love you!” he was torn apart by three
healthy lion cubs.
____________________
Joel Becker showed up for four years and earned
a B.S. in Business Management. Now he hates his job. He writes stories when he
should be working and drinks when he should be sleeping. For free career advice
email him at jmbecker2@hotmail.com.
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