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New best friend
By David Gaffney
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After the consultant left Tim called us into his
office and handed round a packet of Marlboros. ‘Take one, light it, and
inhale,’ he said. I immediately had a coughing fit, and Julie was sick in the
bin. ‘I haven’t had a fag,’ she protested, ‘since I was fourteen.’ Tim
ignored her and prodded on the powerpoint. Lines of text slid on and off.
‘Smokers,’ he said, ‘change things. Smokers are clued up on office
affairs, know what staff think of the company, are less risk averse and more
alive to the moment. They’re sensualists, pleasure-seekers and,’ he snapped
off the machine, ‘never defer gratification. Smokers take action so from now
on the members of this management team are smokers. Tomorrow we’ll look at
lighting and holding, disposal of stubs, and when to offer and when to accept.
And I have a few things to say about lunchtime drinking.’
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David Gaffney wrote this on the back of an
eight dollar bill, currently worth two hundred dollars.
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