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Dear Movie Hut Employee #62
By C.L. Bledsoe
____________________
Dear Movie Hut Employee #62,
I have written to you before about your personal hygiene, and I am very pleased
that it has improved. Your dandruff is hardly noticeable, and the smell is much
more bearable. So good work on that, Robert. What I am writing to you about
today is your customer service. The manner in which you treat customers has been
brought to my attention recently. I have noticed your manner myself. On Tuesday,
the 27th, when I was in the store, I observed the way you followed customers
around, berating them in a shrill and obnoxious manner, talking nonstop about
things they weren't interested in, like Star Trek and comic books. I noticed
that many of the customers avoided you. And when one of them pretended interest,
you became almost frighteningly enthusiastic. You chased several customers
around the store as they tried to get away from you, but you followed them until
they grabbed some terrible movie they would never have rented otherwise and
brought it up to the counter so they could leave.
But it does not end there. I have received the most complaints about
your behavior behind the register. Apparently, when a customer tries to pay for
his or her rentals, you quiz them, yelling out: "Pop Quiz!" in a very
jolting manner. Then you proceed to ask various trivia concerning the movie they
just selected. One customer reported that you wouldn't allow him to have his
movie or change until he'd answered you. And when he couldn't answer the
question, you said, "Oh, see, if you knew the answer to that I'd know you
are a real fan of the "Smokey and the Bandit," series." And,
having humiliated him, you then allowed him to leave.
I have had many complaints from customers and coworkers about your behavior,
Robert. Customers have gone so far as to tell me that they will avoid returning
movies when they see that you are working, so that they end up having to pay
late fees. Well I say bravo, Robert! Since you've been employed with us, the
catalogue rentals have increased by 80%! Late fees have increased by 67%! During
our gift card special you sold double the amount of cards of any other employee.
Customers are still complaining to me about how you followed them into the
parking lot ranting about some episode of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch,"
you saw, until they were afraid not to buy a gift card.
Good work! Your methods might rub some people the wrong way, but I say stick to
your guns, as long as you get results. I tell you, Robert, and this is
completely off the record, you understand, but if you keep this up, we might
just promote you to Senior Customer Service Representative.
Keep up the good work,
John Spurling, District Manager
____________________
CL Bledsoe doesn't like the way you're eying
his turkey sausage and if you don't cut it out, he'll have to get nasty. Real
nasty. Like Roadhouse nasty. He is an editor for Ghoti Magazine www.ghotimag.com.
He also wishes someone would publish his freaking book already. And pay him.
Cheeseburgers are good too. With curly fries. What was I talking about?
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