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What is the Density of Curiosity?
By Adam McGrath
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Excerpted from the Young Lady's First Primer in Spurious Physics:
Density of Curiosity - (not to be confused with: Population Density of Curio
City - 120 persons per km2 [metric] / 176.2 bargain hunters per thrift shop2
[imperial])
You will recall from earlier chapters that density (p) is a measure of mass per
unit of volume. However, despite the nature of the substance, curiosity
itself was not thought to have either a mass or a volume until recently. Indeed,
it was the discovery that Curiosity had empirically measurable qualities that
led to the formation of the field now known as
Spurious Physics, enabling us to quantify a number of hitherto abstract concepts
(see also Emotional Baggage, Weight of and Despair, Depth of for S.I. units and
measurement of same).
Initial research into this field yielded the hypothesis that Curiosity Density
(Cp) is equal to Interest (mi) divided by the volume of the curio (Vc). Although
the weight of a single unit of interest is negligible, in the previous chapter
you will have seen that it is possible to measure the mass of a Body of
Interest. Substituting this for mi and measuring the
volume of the item in which interest is taken (Vc), we can thus calculate the
density of curiosity to be 0.987600025 kg/m³, or 0.988.
Example: a new book of short stories by respected surrealist authors is
published, with a volume of 10cm³. The body of interest in this work has a
mass of approximately 9.88g; hence, the density of curiosity is 9.88 divided by
10, 0.988 g/cm³, or 0.988.
It is worth noting at this point that the density of water is 1.000 - as
curiosity is less dense than water, it will therefore float on the top of any
settled body of such liquid. Given the known toxicity of curiosity-based
substances to felines, this can be understood as the reason why cats hate water.
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Adam McGrath was born in England in 1974 and
now lives in Ireland. Really, he has no serious complaints about life. His
collection of short stories, An Unfortunate Assemblage of Villains, which includes both
previously published stories and new material, was released through lulu.com in
2005. If you're insatiable and want to know more, check out http://www.ballyerkbooks.com
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