NONFICTION

Dave Whippman. "The Swashbuckler - Finding Him and Keeping Him. A Ladies' Guide."

Finding your swashbuckler is no problem - he'll find you, though first you might have to experience the discomfort of being captured by pirates, outlaws, or enemy soldiers.

FICTION

David Holub. "Found at the Dump."

I awoke at 4:45 a.m. to the blaring sounds of a trombone and clarinet trading fours midway through “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Fully awake but with my eyes still closed, I was eagerly awaiting the trumpet/banjo showdown. Then I realized the music was coming from my smoke alarm, which I had rigged to play Dixie instead of the annoying high-pitched scream.

Charlotte Jones. "I'm No Anna Nicole."

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. By instinct my first two fingers on my right hand flew to my throat to check my pulse and make sure I was still alive. My poor departed husband hadn’t been dead long enough for the body to get cold, (from the flames, I mean,) and that slimebag of a lawyer reads the words, "And to my lovely wife, I leave all my money in a TRUST from which she will receive $20,000 a month at the discretion of the trustees until her death. My two daughters, Gertrude and Gretchen will serve as trustees, and upon my wife’s death, will inherit outright the balance of the trust.

Rob Rosen. "Zen Cola."

She came to my office much the same way as all my patients do: referred by her usual dentist who didn’t have the time to deal with such an extreme case. But there was something different about her. Something not quite right. And it hit me as soon as she stepped into the examining room.

She wasn’t nervous.