Prose

“I’m Dating Hamlet,” by Francine Witte

Apr 1st, 2020 | By

It’s okay, I’ve dated worse.

Yes, I know he’s fictional. Yes, I know that’s a flaw.



“There Has Never Been A Perfect Band Name, But These Seven Groups Came So, Damn, Close,” by Warren J. Cox

Mar 25th, 2020 | By

Like the fountain of youth many have sought the perfect band name, but all have fallen short. However, let us honor now the seven bands that have fallen the LEAST short, and examine how they could have achieved perfection.



“Ten Things I Know about Diet Coke that I’m Delighted to Share with You,” by Sharon Goldberg

Mar 18th, 2020 | By

I am a connoisseur of Diet Coke. A gourmand. A maven. Even a snob. My palate is supremely refined. What a sommelier is to wine, what a nose is to perfume, I am to Diet Coke. I drink it every day. All day. Some days it’s the only beverage I drink. Diet Coke is my wake up call, my “Hello world,” my “I’m ready to interact on a sentient level.” I drink Diet Coke with burgers, with pasta, with salad, with pancakes and eggs, with bagels and lox, with croissants and scones. I don’t drink it with cereal, but I don’t eat cereal.



“Now You’re Talking My Language,” by Charles Pastoor

Mar 11th, 2020 | By

You remember that weekend you decided to build your partner a dining room set inspired by the work of William Morris? How you went to the National Gallery to do archival research and found the original designs? There were the ladderback chairs made of oak that you cut down and milled yourself and the rush seats you taught yourself to weave. And the reformed gothic style table you knocked together, the one with mahogany and walnut inlays—you were pretty sure he was going to flip when he saw it. Especially since he was always quoting Ruskin and going on and on about the glories of the arts and crafts movement.



“School Cutbacks: How to Educate Your Child When the Board of Education Gets Tired of Doing it for You,” by Todd Wells

Mar 4th, 2020 | By

Your child’s mind is her most valuable resource, and until she is old enough to become a gestational surrogate, that won’t change. But school cutbacks are a fact of life now, and though you didn’t sign up for it, you need to be prepared for the responsibility of having to teach your kid stuff.