Prose

“Pastey the Drunken Sailor,” by Kate LaDew

Jul 24th, 2019 | By

Pastey the Drunken Sailor. Boy was he. True to his name, a ship did not pass without holding Pastey in a state of ridiculous inebriation. It was common to feel a whip of breeze over one’s head as Pastey swung from ship to ship, determined to be drunken on any and all.



“How I Quit My Six-Figure Job to Become an Instagram Influencer,” by Hannah Lawrence

Jul 17th, 2019 | By

Food? Water?? Shelter?! Sure you may need these things to survive, but since when has surviving made you cool?



“Totally Dank Meme Ideas For My Tumblr (it’s pretty much viral or bust for me now),” by Simon Pinkerton

Jul 10th, 2019 | By

When you realise your day job isn’t fulfilling OR well paid

Pic label: WELL THIS IS AWKWARD

Pic: Two hot women arriving at a party in the same dress, looking at each other with those sideways-mouth faces, there’ll definitely be something like this out there



“Fix Your Chronically Ill Friends in 99 Words or Less,” by Liz Charlotte Grant

Jul 3rd, 2019 | By

Me too! OMFG that exact thing happened to me this one time, it’s EXACTLY like your thing, I swear, it’s so CRAZY that we both have your thing going on. #twinning!



“Finding Love in Big Data, One Man’s Search for Genetic Compatibility,” by Nick Hilbourn

Jun 26th, 2019 | By

Hello readers.  Anyone who knows Nick Hilbourn knows that he’s a materialist.

Not just any materialist, but a DAMNED GOOD materialist.  I don’t cut corners.  You want corners cut?  You want someone to take your corners and snip them off with a pair of left-handed scissors (YES, I AM LEFT-HANDED…GO AHEAD AND POUR OUT YOUR BUCKETS OF VITRIOL…. I AM NOT ASHAMED AND I AM NOT AFRAID).  But seriously, you want to cut my corners?